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Wonkette Movie Night: Scrooged

https://www.wonkette.com/p/wonkette-movie-night-scrooged

Published: December 22, 2024 01:01

'That's the one good thing about regret: It's never too late. You can always change tomorrow if you want to.'

Kyrsten Sinema A Dick To The End

https://www.wonkette.com/p/kyrsten-sinema-a-dick-to-the-end

Published: December 21, 2024 20:30

'Don't give a shit' is a good summary of her Senate career.

GA Judges DQ DA From Prosecuting TFG Because She Was K-I-S-S-I-N-G

https://www.wonkette.com/p/ga-judges-dq-da-from-prosecuting

Published: December 21, 2024 18:30

These motherfuckers, man.

Rudy Giuliani Down To Staten Island Divorce Lawyer As He Tries To Hang On To Florida Condo

https://www.wonkette.com/p/rudy-giuliani-down-to-staten-island

Published: December 21, 2024 16:30

Saul Goodman was reportedly busy.

Happy Winter Solstice And Also ... Australian Gravy Day????

https://www.wonkette.com/p/happy-winter-solstice-and-also-australian

Published: December 21, 2024 15:02

It is the reason for the season!

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, Mulled Apple Cider!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/welcome-to-wonkette-happy-hour-with-487

Published: December 20, 2024 21:20

Sort of a warm apple hug for the holidays. We could use one.

Elon Musk Boosting German Fascists, What Could Possibly Go Wrong

https://www.wonkette.com/p/elon-musk-boosting-german-fascists

Published: December 20, 2024 19:40

His politics are so mysterious!

Who's Doing The Shutdown? What Channel Is The Shutdown On? Will We Liveblog The Shutdown?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/whos-doing-the-shutdown-what-channel

Published: December 20, 2024 18:01

On that last one: you gotta be kidding.

Loser North Carolina Republican Judge Candidate Still Trying To Coup The State Supreme Court!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/loser-north-carolina-republican-judge

Published: December 20, 2024 16:36

Doesn't sound like a dude who should be a judge.

Polls: US Voters Massively Reject Fascist Policies Of Man Half Of Them Narrowly Elected

https://www.wonkette.com/p/polls-us-voters-massively-reject

Published: December 20, 2024 15:03

But many Republicans don't think he'll really enact them, so relax.

Republicans Killed Bill, Like Elon Musk Wanted. But Then They Killed Bill Like Elon Musk DIDN'T Want!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/republicans-killed-bill-like-elon

Published: December 20, 2024 13:57

This is all working out very well for them.

38 Republicans Special. Tabs, Fri., Dec. 20, 2024

https://www.wonkette.com/p/38-republicans-special-tabs-fri-dec

Published: December 20, 2024 12:00

That's a terrible headline. I'm tired. Morning news roundup and things to read!

The Clean Energy Transition Will Outlive Old Man Trump

https://www.wonkette.com/p/the-clean-energy-transition-will

Published: December 19, 2024 21:20

Joe Biden just set an ambitious new goal for where we go next.

What If Democrats Could Be *Exactly* Like Republicans ... But Less Tacky About It?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/what-if-democrats-could-be-exactly

Published: December 19, 2024 20:01

Please hire me as a consultant and/or columnist for a newspaper owned by a billionaire Trump supporter.

Congress Gets Into Christmas Spirit By Banning Care For Soldiers' Transgender Kids

https://www.wonkette.com/p/congress-gets-into-christmas-spirit

Published: December 19, 2024 19:00

Oh yeah, and most of the Democrats too.

IDEA! What If We DIDN'T Purity-Test Left/Liberal Media Out Of Existence Now Of All F*cking Times

https://www.wonkette.com/p/idea-what-if-we-didnt-purity-test

Published: December 19, 2024 17:34

The Substack thing a-fucking-GAIN?

Unelected Billionaire Sh*tposter May Shut Down Government, Because F*ck Us All Is Why

https://www.wonkette.com/p/unelected-billionaire-shtposter-may

Published: December 19, 2024 16:34

We don't remember this being covered in Schoolhouse Rock.

Does Trump Actually Want To Lower Energy Costs? Or Does He Want A Bigger Payout For His CEO Friends?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/does-trump-actually-want-to-lower

Published: December 19, 2024 15:01

When you ask a question in a headline, the answer is no. Except that second one, whose answer is yes.

Andrew Tate To Learn $3.4 Million Lesson On Bragging About Tax Evasion

https://www.wonkette.com/p/andrew-tate-to-learn-34-million-lesson

Published: December 19, 2024 13:55

That man loves bragging about doing crimes in videos on the Internet!

Has Festivus Gotten Too Commercial? Tabs, Thurs., Dec. 19, 2024

https://www.wonkette.com/p/has-festivus-gotten-too-commercial

Published: December 19, 2024 12:01

Morning news roundup! Things to read! Cat Pictures!

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Almost-Christmas, We May See That Matt Gaetz Report After All!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/ho-ho-ho-merry-almost-christmas-we

Published: December 18, 2024 21:20

You know you want to.

War On Christmas Over (If You Want It)

https://www.wonkette.com/p/war-on-christmas-over-if-you-want

Published: December 18, 2024 19:01

Perhaps the 'War On Christmas' was only in their minds all along.

What The F*ck Do Democrats Think They're Doing?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/what-the-fck-do-democrats-think-theyre

Published: December 18, 2024 16:55

How about being an actual opposition party, not Happy Fascism Helpers?

The First Rule Of Judicial Ethics Is You Don't Talk About Samuel Alito's Complete Lack Of Them

https://www.wonkette.com/p/the-first-rule-of-judicial-ethics

Published: December 18, 2024 15:36

Irony is dead!

WTF Are These Pardons, Joe Biden?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/wtf-are-these-pardons-joe-biden

Published: December 18, 2024 13:55

Some of these people should be under the jail!

When A Man Loves The Moon. Tabs, Wed., Dec. 18, 2024

https://www.wonkette.com/p/when-a-man-loves-the-moon-tabs-wed

Published: December 18, 2024 12:00

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Aw, Fiddlebritches! Hunter Biden Accuser Just Pleaded Guilty To Lying To FBI!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/aw-fiddlebritches-hunter-biden-accuser

Published: December 17, 2024 21:20

Now who's gonna tell James Comer Russian spy lies about Hunter's penis?

Is Ken Paxton The Boss Of New York?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/is-ken-paxton-the-boss-of-new-york

Published: December 17, 2024 18:58

He seems to think so!

Make AOC Head Of Oversight, You Cowards!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/make-aoc-head-of-oversight-you-cowards

Published: December 17, 2024 17:31

Why can’t Dems quit kicking themselves in the dick?

Which State Is Torturing Trans Prisoners Today? Is It Florida?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/which-state-is-torturing-trans-prisoners

Published: December 17, 2024 16:30

SPOILER: It is Florida.

For The CEO Who Has Everything, How About A Triple Platinum Concierge 911?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/for-the-ceo-who-has-everything-how

Published: December 17, 2024 15:31

Bringing new meaning to the term 'Hotline Bling'.

Trump Sues Des Moines Register And Ann Selzer For Bad Poll That Was Election Interference Because

https://www.wonkette.com/p/trump-sues-des-moines-register-and

Published: December 17, 2024 14:43

Who the fuck knows.

Drones Full Of Vaccines! Vaccines Full Of Drones! Tabs, Tues., Dec. 17, 2024

https://www.wonkette.com/p/drones-full-of-vaccines-vaccines

Published: December 17, 2024 12:03

Come one, come all.

Trump Presser A Gauzy, Nostalgic Harbinger Of The Next Four Years Of Suck

https://www.wonkette.com/p/trump-presser-a-gauzy-nostalgic-harbinger

Published: December 16, 2024 21:20

Meet the new buffoon, same as the old buffoon.

Are We Being Punished For A Feminist Utopia That Never Even Happened?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/are-we-being-punished-for-a-feminist

Published: December 16, 2024 20:28

And how long is this 'masculinity crisis' going to last?

Linsdey Graham Can't Wait To Make The FBI J. Edgar Hoover-y Again!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/linsdey-graham-cant-wait-to-make

Published: December 16, 2024 19:31

As long as Trump knows he has Graham's undying devotion, that's all that matters.

Trump Makes Up Best Jobs For Best Idiots Devin Nunes And Ric Grenell

https://www.wonkette.com/p/trump-makes-up-best-jobs-for-best

Published: December 16, 2024 18:15

Trying to keep them as far away from the White House as he can?

New Conspiracy Theory Just Dropped! It’s Drones!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/new-conspiracy-theory-just-dropped

Published: December 16, 2024 17:04

Everybody from MTG to Roseanne Barr and Larry Hogan is getting in on the action.

December 16, 1977: A Strike For Equal Pay In The 70-Below Wind Chill Minnesota Winter

https://www.wonkette.com/p/december-16-1977-a-strike-for-equal

Published: December 16, 2024 16:01

Meet the Willmar 8!

Replace Reporters With AI? What Could Go Wrong?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/replace-reporters-with-ai-what-could

Published: December 16, 2024 15:01

BuzzFeed takes a loss to sell the Hot Ones studio and find out!

Has The Fourth Estate Gone To Hell?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/has-the-fourth-estate-gone-to-hell

Published: December 16, 2024 13:55

ABC is the latest to surrender to Trump

Too Many Weenies. Tabs, Mon., Dec. 16, 2024

https://www.wonkette.com/p/too-many-weenies-tabs-mon-dec-16

Published: December 16, 2024 12:01

Morning roundup and things to read!

If You're Not Buying Memecoins Of Droopy Balls, Are You Even Alive?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/if-youre-not-buying-memecoins-of

Published: December 15, 2024 18:30

It's the next going-broke sensation that's sweeping the nation!

Old Man Yells at Country Next Door

https://www.wonkette.com/p/old-man-yells-at-country-next-door

Published: December 15, 2024 16:01

'Like maple syrup, Canada's evil oozes over the United States'

Wonkette Movie Night: Arthur (1981)

https://www.wonkette.com/p/wonkette-movie-night-arthur-1981

Published: December 15, 2024 01:00

'Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Maybe some of us drink because we're not poets.'

Despite Obvious Popular Appeal, Murdering CEOs May Not Bring Universal Healthcare

https://www.wonkette.com/p/despite-obvious-popular-appeal-murdering

Published: December 14, 2024 20:00

No, guess we can't use that headline. Oh wait, we did?

Evildoers Can't Wait To Do More Evil To Refugee Babies And Other Criminals

https://www.wonkette.com/p/evildoers-cant-wait-to-do-more-evil

Published: December 14, 2024 18:30

You can help some folks in need. Read on to learn how!

Elon Musk Owns A Car Company. Feds Regulate Cars. Guess What Happens Next.

https://www.wonkette.com/p/elon-musk-owns-a-car-company-feds

Published: December 14, 2024 16:01

Hey, what's Ralph Nader up to these days?

Happy Monkey Day To Everyone But That 'Chimp Crazy' Lady!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/happy-monkey-day-to-everyone-but

Published: December 14, 2024 15:02

She probably shouldn't have any more of those.

Welcome to Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, Coquito!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/welcome-to-wonkette-happy-hour-with-203

Published: December 13, 2024 21:20

A delicious dairy-free coconut alternative from Puerto Rico.

Forget Bird Flu! Polio Is The Latest Craze!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/forget-bird-flu-polio-is-the-latest

Published: December 13, 2024 20:01

Marco! Polio!

Oil And Fracking, Our Misunderstood Friends

https://www.wonkette.com/p/oil-and-fracking-our-misunderstood

Published: December 13, 2024 19:01

Trump's new Energy guy, a fracking CEO, is soaking in it!

Tech CEOs Race To Florida Swamp To Kiss Trump's Ring

https://www.wonkette.com/p/tech-ceos-race-to-florida-swamp-to

Published: December 13, 2024 18:27

The new government demands a personal touch, and Pichai, Bezos, and Zuck are trying to oblige.

Ohio Senate Wants To Force Hospitals To Give Patients Their Horse Dewormer On Demand

https://www.wonkette.com/p/ohio-senate-wants-to-force-hospitals

Published: December 13, 2024 17:07

Still? Still, we're doing this?

Tiffany Trump's Father-In-Law Another Fake Billionaire, If You Can Believe That

https://www.wonkette.com/p/tiffany-trumps-father-in-law-another

Published: December 13, 2024 15:29

Well, they say little girls always marry their dads.

Nancy Mace DID TOO Get Handshaked To Death, And If You Say She Didn't She's Suing!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/nancy-mace-did-too-get-handshaked

Published: December 13, 2024 13:56

'Kay.

The Monkey's Paw. Tabs, Fri., Dec. 13, 2024

https://www.wonkette.com/p/the-monkeys-paw-tabs-fri-dec-13-2024

Published: December 13, 2024 12:01

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Joe Biden Pardons, Commutes Sentences Of People Who Never Tried To Overturn 2020 Election

https://www.wonkette.com/p/joe-biden-pardons-commutes-sentences

Published: December 12, 2024 21:20

History's Greatest Monster strikes again.

This Week's Power Player Is Kimberly Guilfoyle, Who Gets To Go To Greece Instead Of Banging Donald Trump Jr.

https://www.wonkette.com/p/this-weeks-power-player-is-kimberly

Published: December 12, 2024 20:15

This is a foreign policy post.

Gee, Turns Out Americans Don't Trust Trump And Friends Very Much On Health Issues

https://www.wonkette.com/p/gee-turns-out-americans-dont-trust

Published: December 12, 2024 19:01

Guess who they trust more!

Manchin And Sinema Grab Beers, Pop Emergency Slide, Yell F**K ALL Y'ALL In Senate Exit

https://www.wonkette.com/p/manchin-and-sinema-grab-beers-pop

Published: December 12, 2024 18:01

Haha, no National Labor Relations Board majority for Democrats, haha.

Trump To Build Giant Clitoral Hood In Jeddah

https://www.wonkette.com/p/trump-to-build-giant-clitoral-hood

Published: December 12, 2024 17:02

Rubbing Democracy the wrong way!

Why Does Elon Musk Want You To Hate Unhoused People?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/why-does-elon-musk-want-you-to-hate

Published: December 12, 2024 16:02

He wants to take your empathy.

Bankruptcy Judge Jumps Out Of Nowhere, Just Starts Whaling On The Onion's Purchase Of Infowars

https://www.wonkette.com/p/bankruptcy-judge-jumps-out-of-nowhere

Published: December 12, 2024 15:00

Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

Is FBI Director Chris Wray A Coward For Resigning, Or Did He Just Stick His Dick In Trump's Eye?

https://www.wonkette.com/p/is-fbi-director-chris-wray-a-coward

Published: December 12, 2024 13:55

Teach the controversy!

Wait. Did You Hear That? Tabs, Thurs., Dec. 12, 2024

https://www.wonkette.com/p/wait-did-you-hear-that-tabs-thurs

Published: December 12, 2024 12:01

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Idiots Pretty Sure Trump Gonna Buy America Something VERY NICE For Christmas!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/idiots-pretty-sure-trump-gonna-buy

Published: December 11, 2024 21:20

Like Canada? Or Greenland? Maybe another island with white people? The possibilities are endless!

Walkable Cities Cut Pollution, Preserve Nature. 'The F*ck Is THIS Sh*t?' — Americans

https://www.wonkette.com/p/walkable-cities-cut-pollution-preserve

Published: December 11, 2024 20:01

Nobody's going to make you live in a pod or eat bugs either.

That Man's Latest Big-Brain Plan: Let Anyone Have Their Way With America For Low Low Price Of 1 Billion Dollars!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/that-mans-latest-big-brain-plan-let

Published: December 11, 2024 18:44

Soo-ee, pigs, come get your slop!

Dallas Ballet Dancers Jeté Away With $560K From Union-Busting Company

https://www.wonkette.com/p/dallas-ballet-dancers-jete-away-with

Published: December 11, 2024 17:45

They deserve it!

Maxine Waters Assaults Nancy Mace, Except Not Maxine Waters And Not Assault

https://www.wonkette.com/p/maxine-waters-assaults-nancy-mace

Published: December 11, 2024 16:47

Mace had a pro-trans foster-care-youth activist arrested for shaking her hand.

Would Have Been Cool If Senate Dems Sassed Back At The Mass Deportation Hearing Bullsh*ts

https://www.wonkette.com/p/would-have-been-cool-if-senate-dems

Published: December 11, 2024 15:04

Misrepresenting, demeaning, grandstanding, you know the drill!

MAGA Has Trick To Get Pete Hegseth Confirmed, It Is Threatening One Specific Woman

https://www.wonkette.com/p/maga-has-trick-to-get-pete-hegseth

Published: December 11, 2024 13:58

What an on-brand development for this story and nominee!

Get Ready For Modesty Pron! Tabs, Wed., Dec. 11, 2024

https://www.wonkette.com/p/get-ready-for-modesty-pron-tabs-wed

Published: December 11, 2024 12:03

Morning news roundup and things to read!