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Site URL: www.thebeaverton.com
Feed URL: www.thebeaverton.com/feed
Posts: 10
Followers: 2
Lame-ass ghost turns out to be metaphor for grief instead of a cool chain-rattling guy
Published: October 21, 2024 22:15
OTTAWA – Allison Carver, who has recently experienced a series of paranormal events in her home, has told reporters that she was disappointed to discover she’s undergoing a boring, metaphorical haunting rather than the blood-curdling, adrenaline-pumping…
Canadian takes full five seconds to translate “doughnut hole” to “Timbit”
Published: October 20, 2024 21:27
ANN ARBOR, MI ― Kitchener native Tobias Sanders took a solid five seconds today to work out the meaning of his American friend Cory Easton’s invitation to “grab some doughnut holes” at a local shop while visiting him in Michigan. The conversation quickly…
BC Conservative leader clarifies that every batshit thing he’s ever said was a misunderstanding unless you agree with it
Published: October 17, 2024 22:33
VICTORIA – As the provincial election draws to a close, Conservative Party of B.C. leader John Rustad is making a last push to appeal to voters by denying everything he’s ever said that they think is crazy while affirming everything he’s ever said that…
5 funniest options for which Conservative MP engaged in foreign interference
Published: October 17, 2024 17:50
Yesterday Justin Trudeau stated that Conservative “Parliamentarians” are engaged in foreign interference in Canadian elections. And many observers pointed out that it was a bit odd for our Head Of Government to drop a bomb like that and then refuse to give…
Trudeau invites Canadians to play a new game called ‘Guess That Traitor!’
Published: October 17, 2024 14:58
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau unveiled a new game for Canadians to play during his testimony before the committee on foreign interference in Canada’s elections, in which people wildly guess which Conservative MP or MPs are traitors to our country…
“Get well soon!” says woman who doesn’t understand how chronic illness works
Published: October 15, 2024 17:07
KITCHENER, ON – A local office worker who completely misunderstands how chronic illness works has reportedly told her chronically ill coworker to “get well soon!” Linda Campbell, 53, sent the message to her colleague Kayla in an email requesting Kayla…
Fans not falling for Oilers ‘maybe we suck’ bullshit this year
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/fans-not-falling-for-oilers-maybe-we-suck-bullshit-this-year/
Published: October 15, 2024 15:02
EDMONTON – NHL fans have made it clear that the Oilers starting the season by looking like one of the worst teams in the league will not fool them like it did last year. “I don’t know why the Oilers players seem to get off on playing like a peewee single A…
Rogers ends free Wifi on the TTC after learning it betters life for Canadians
Published: October 12, 2024 14:55
TORONTO – Telecom giant Rogers announced that it would be ending the free Wifi available at Toronto Transit Commission stations at the end of the year after finding it had too many unintentional benefits to Canadians. “After a couple of risk assessments,…
Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/most-popular-thanksgiving-sides-in-every-province/
Published: October 11, 2024 20:23
Thanksgiving is here. A time for families to come together, make lasting memories and try to remember what this Holiday is technically supposed to be honouring. But mostly we eat. Usually Turkey is the centerpiece of the meal, but across the country we…
Trudeau promises to rethink Liberal strategy after 5 or 6 more general election losses
Published: October 10, 2024 16:37
OTTAWA – With polls projecting the Liberals to win as few as 53 seats in the next federal election, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has pledged to shake up his party’s campaign strategy following roughly a half dozen more losses. “I’m pretty confident that…