🦜 The Borowitz Report
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Marjorie Taylor Greene Calls Vance Unhinged
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/marjorie-taylor-greene-calls-vance
Published: September 5, 2024 11:01
“I have been listening to the things he says on the campaign trail, and they are the ravings of a lunatic.”
Vance Advocates Posting Ten Commandments Inside Uterus
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/vance-advocates-posting-ten-commandments
Published: September 4, 2024 11:01
“Having access to the Ten Commandments in utero will get kids started on the right path.”
RFK Jr. Makes Turducken with Bear, Whale, and Worm
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/rfk-jr-makes-turducken-with-bear
Published: September 3, 2024 11:01
Kennedy raised eyebrows at a Trump rally by sharing an unusual recipe.
JD Vance Says Labor Day Should Celebrate Women who go Through Labor
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/jd-vance-says-labor-day-should-celebrate
Published: September 2, 2024 11:01
The senator called Labor Day “a time to honor the only thing that gives women’s lives meaning: reproducing.”
Who Created Trump?
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/who-created-donald-trump
Published: September 1, 2024 11:00
Someone made this ordeal possible, and he hasn’t gotten the blame he deserves.
Vance Attacks Cats Who Do Not Have Kittens
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/vance-attacks-cats-who-do-not-have
Published: August 30, 2024 11:01
“Increasingly, female cats in the U.S. are selfishly choosing careers over kittens.”
JD Vance Seething With Jealousy After Trump Starts Seeing Other Weirdo
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/jd-vance-seething-with-jealousy-after
Published: August 29, 2024 11:01
“It looks like he’s moved on to a new whack job,” a disconsolate Vance said.
Nation Cruelly Reminded of Existence of Tulsi Gabbard
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/nation-cruelly-reminded-of-existence
Published: August 28, 2024 11:03
“Reminding us of Tulsi tells you all you need to know about Donald Trump,” one American said. “The man is a sadist.”
Trump Backs Out of Debate by Claiming He Died in Helicopter Crash
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-backs-out-of-debate-by-claiming
Published: August 27, 2024 11:00
He said that he would never agree to a debate on ABC because the network “is very biased against dead people.”
Entire Kennedy Family Changes Last Name
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/entire-kennedy-family-changes-last
Published: August 26, 2024 11:01
“We could overlook the brain-worm and the dead bear, but this was the last straw.”