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Israel Detonates Electronics Purchased By Hezbollah In Widespread Attack
https://theonion.com/israel-detonates-electronics-purchased-by-hezbollah-in-widespread-attack/
Published: September 19, 2024 19:41
Israel blew up thousands of two-way personal radios used by Hezbollah members in Lebanon, the second wave of an intelligence operation that started with the explosions of pager devices the day before. What do you think? The post Israel DetonatesâŚ
What To Know About âThe Golden Bacheloretteâ
https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-the-golden-bachelorette/
Published: September 19, 2024 16:23
The Golden Bachelorette, the latest spin-off from The Bachelor franchise, premiered Wednesday night on ABC. Here is everything you need to know about the reality dating series. Q: Why is it called The Golden Bachelorette? A: It tested better with audiencesâŚ
FDA Approves New AirPods As Hearing Aids
https://theonion.com/fda-approves-new-airpods-as-hearing-aids/
Published: September 19, 2024 16:16
The Food and Drug Administration approved Appleâs new hearing aid feature for their AirPods Pro 2 earbuds that amplifies sounds for people with perceived mild to moderate hearing impairment, coming two years after federal health officials approved the saleâŚ
Iâve Got A Bad Feline About This
https://theonion.com/ive-got-a-bad-feline-about-this/
Published: September 19, 2024 14:14
The post Iâve Got A Bad Feline About This appeared first on The Onion.
Are We Living In A Golden Age Of Meaningless Questions?
https://theonion.com/are-we-living-in-a-golden-age-of-meaningless-questions/
Published: September 19, 2024 13:43
The post Are We Living In A Golden Age Of Meaningless Questions? appeared first on The Onion.
Mirena Unveils New Intrauterine Owl To Scare Sperm Away From Eggs
https://theonion.com/mirena-unveils-new-intrauterine-owl-to-scare-sperm-away-from-eggs/
Published: September 19, 2024 13:39
WHIPPANY, NJâCalling the contraceptive device a novel breakthrough in hormone-free birth control, the IUD brand Mirena unveiled a new intrauterine owl Thursday that perches near a patientâs eggs to scare away sperm. âThis FDA-approved intrauterine owl canâŚ
New Homeowners Thrilled To Find Pentagram Carved Into Hardwood Floor Under Carpet
Published: September 19, 2024 13:36
MILWAUKEEâExpressing elation over the discovery made during renovations of their newly purchased Victorian house, new homeowners Rick and Tanya Delaney were reportedly thrilled Thursday to find a pentagram carved into the hardwood floor beneath theirâŚ
Diddy: âI Will Beat These Charges Senselessâ
https://theonion.com/diddy-i-will-beat-these-charges-senseless/
Published: September 18, 2024 20:19
The post Diddy: âI Will Beat These Charges Senselessâ appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Targeted In Second Assassination Attempt
https://theonion.com/trump-targeted-in-second-assassination-attempt/
Published: September 18, 2024 15:49
Former President Donald Trump is safe following what appears to be an attempted assassination while playing golf, occurring two months after another attempt on his life at a rally in Pennsylvania. What do you think? The post Trump Targeted In SecondâŚ
Migrant Steals Occupational Injury From Hard-Working American
https://theonion.com/migrant-steals-occupational-injury-from-hard-working-american/
Published: September 18, 2024 14:31
ATHENS, OHâA Mexican migrant reportedly stole an occupational injury Wednesday from a hardworking American, seizing the opportunity for a broken arm from a resident who grew up in this country. âI could have been the one out there fracturing my ulna andâŚ
Injured Cyclist Briefly Regains Consciousness To See RFK Jr. Dragging Him Into Kitchen
Published: September 18, 2024 14:28
MALIBU, CAâGroaning as his bruised head thumped along the tiled flooring, 35-year-old injured cyclist Paul Zablocki briefly regained consciousness to see Robert F. Kennedy Jr. dragging him by the legs into the former presidential candidateâs kitchen,âŚ
Actor Informed Producers Decided To Go With A Dog For The Role
https://theonion.com/actor-informed-producers-decided-to-go-with-a-dog-for-the-role/
Published: September 18, 2024 14:23
LOS ANGELESâAssuring him the right part would come along eventually, actor Will Bachmanâs agent informed him Thursday that, after a lengthy casting process, the producers of the television pilot he auditioned for had chosen to go with a dog in the roleâŚ
Melania Trump Announces First 1,000 People To Preorder New Memoir Will See Her Face In Their Dreams Until Death
Published: September 17, 2024 14:23
PALM BEACH, FLâHoping to boost sales of her new book, Melania Trump announced Tuesday that the first 1,000 people to preorder her memoir Melania would see her face in their dreams until they die. âI am so excited to be sharing my story, and I want to showâŚ
Man Not Really Articulating Cohesive Reason Why Guy Who Cut Him Off Should Go Fuck Himself
Published: September 17, 2024 14:16
TOLEDO, OHâSaying the manâs hodgepodge of threats, insults, and expletives lacked a compelling central thread, sources confirmed Tuesday that 41-year-old Ed Thassler wasnât really articulating a cohesive reason as to why the guy who cut him off in trafficâŚ
Trump Assassination Suspect Buying AR-15s Nonstop While In Custody
https://theonion.com/trump-assassination-suspect-buying-ar-15s-nonstop-while-in-custody/
Published: September 16, 2024 18:39
WEST PALM BEACH, FLâIn the wake of the second attempt on Donald Trumpâs life in the past three months, sources confirmed Monday that the man who allegedly attempted to shoot the 45th president of the United States, Ryan Wesley Routh, was buying AR-15sâŚ
Report: Trump Defiantly Pumped Fist For 20 Minutes After Assassination Attempt Searching For Camera
Published: September 16, 2024 17:42
The post Report: Trump Defiantly Pumped Fist For 20 Minutes After Assassination Attempt Searching For Camera appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Warns Immigrants Taking All The Good Vanity Plates
https://theonion.com/trump-warns-immigrants-taking-all-the-good-vanity-plates/
Published: September 16, 2024 16:10
PHOENIXâAppealing to his base with a new line of attack against immigrants, former President Donald Trump took to the campaign trail Monday to warn that those in the country illegally were taking all the good vanity plates. âEvery day, people come up to meâŚ
âStill Fresh,â Says Crouching Pete Buttigieg Swiping Finger Across Tire Tracks On Street
Published: September 16, 2024 16:01
WASHINGTONâRemoving his aviators and crouching down to take a better look, U.S. Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg reportedly examined a set of tire tracks Mondays and confirmed, with a swipe of his finger across the asphalt, that they were stillâŚ
Study Finds Europeans Used Cocaine Earlier Than Once Thought
https://theonion.com/study-finds-europeans-used-cocaine-earlier-than-once-thought/
Published: September 16, 2024 15:55
After analyzing the skulls and brain tissue of nine people buried in a mid-17th-century Italian hospitalâs crypt, researchers at the University of Milan found that two had most likely used cocaine, offering the earliest evidence of cocaine use in Europe.âŚ
How Trump Is Appealing To Women Voters
https://theonion.com/how-trump-is-appealing-to-women-voters/
Published: September 16, 2024 14:08
Recent polls show support for former President Donald Trump is falling among women voters. Here are some of the strategies Trump and his campaign staff are using to try to win women back before November. Promising to declutter their rights: Women willâŚ
Black Enrollment At Harvard Drops After Affirmative Action Barred
https://theonion.com/black-enrollment-at-harvard-drops-after-affirmative-action-barred/
Published: September 13, 2024 19:52
The percentage of Black students in Harvard Universityâs freshman class dropped by more than a fifth following a landmark U.S. Supreme Court ruling that barred colleges from using race as a factor in admissions. What do you think? The post Black EnrollmentâŚ
Moscow Expels 6 British Diplomats Who Would Not Shut Up About âDoctor Whoâ
https://theonion.com/moscow-expels-6-british-diplomats-who-would-not-shut-up-about-doctor-who/
Published: September 13, 2024 19:15
MOSCOWâExplaining that Russiaâs patience on the matter had finally reached a breaking point, officials in Moscow confirmed Friday they had expelled six British diplomats who would not shut up about Doctor Who. âLondon must realize that their diplomatsââŚ
Ohioan Disturbed By Reports Of Haitians Eating Vegetables
https://theonion.com/ohioan-disturbed-by-reports-of-haitians-eating-vegetables/
Published: September 13, 2024 17:47
FOSTORIA, OHâClaiming such accounts chilled him to the very bone, Ohio resident Danny Gleisner, 53, told reporters Friday that he felt deeply disturbed by reports of Haitian immigrants in the state eating vegetables. âAll this Iâm hearing about HaitiansâŚ
Food Dye Used In Doritos Makes Miceâs Skin Transparent
https://theonion.com/food-dye-used-in-doritos-makes-mices-skin-transparent/
Published: September 13, 2024 14:39
Researchers at Stanford University have discovered that a common yellow food dye can make skin, muscle, and connective tissues temporarily transparent in mice, with scientists able to see blood vessels in the rodentâs brain after smearing it on theâŚ
Ultra-Processed Foods: Myth Vs. Fact
https://theonion.com/ultra-processed-foods-myth-vs-fact/
Published: September 13, 2024 14:21
Ultra-processed foods are a category of foods that includes frozen pizzas, sodas, and sweetened breakfast cereals. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding ultra-processed foods. MYTH: Ultra-processed foods contain few nutrients. FACT:âŚ
Woman With Disease Sent Article About Celebrity With Disease
https://theonion.com/woman-with-disease-sent-article-about-celebrity-with-disease/
Published: September 13, 2024 14:13
The post Woman With Disease Sent Article About Celebrity With Disease appeared first on The Onion.
Vatican City Police Unveil New Unit Of Sin-Sniffing Dogs
https://theonion.com/vatican-city-police-unveil-new-unit-of-sin-sniffing-dogs/
Published: September 13, 2024 14:09
VATICAN CITYâIn an effort to curb a rising number of immoral offenses, the Corps of Gendarmerie of Vatican City announced Friday the deployment of a new unit of highly trained sin-sniffing dogs. âThis unit of elite K-9 officers has been taught to alertâŚ
Mother Drunk Enough To Start Listing Names Of Miscarriages
https://theonion.com/mother-drunk-enough-to-start-listing-names-of-miscarriages/
Published: September 13, 2024 12:00
SAN CLEMENTE, CAâTaking a long, full sip of her wine and exclaiming that her children were âmiracles,â local mother Jane Donahue was reportedly drunk enough Friday to start listing off the names sheâd given to each of her miscarriages. âBoysâŚboys, I donâtâŚ
Taylor Swift Endorses Harris
https://theonion.com/taylor-swift-endorses-harris/
Published: September 12, 2024 20:19
Taylor Swift came out in support of Vice President Kamala Harris in the race for president, ending speculation about whether the superstar singer would share her political views ahead of Novemberâs election. What do you think? The post Taylor SwiftâŚ
Our Devices: Theyâre Listening, Sure, But Do They Really Get Us?
https://theonion.com/our-devices-theyre-listening-sure-but-do-they-really-get-us/
Published: September 12, 2024 12:00
The post Our Devices: Theyâre Listening, Sure, But Do They Really Get Us? appeared first on The Onion.
Man Replies âSTOPâ To Political Fundraiser Text Like Powerful Wizard Casting Spell To Ward Off Mythical Beast
Published: September 12, 2024 12:00
CHICAGOâIn an act of astonishing fortitude that showed he drew upon a seemingly endless well of mystic strength, local man Anthony Palmer reportedly replied âSTOPâ Thursday to a political fundraiser text like a powerful wizard casting a spell to ward off aâŚ
Most Shocking Takeaways From HBOâs New âSopranosâ Documentary
https://theonion.com/most-shocking-takeaways-from-hbos-new-sopranos-documentary/
Published: September 12, 2024 12:00
In celebration of the seriesâs 25th anniversary, HBO has released Wise Guy: David Chase And The Sopranos, a new two-part documentary about the making of the series featuring interviews with the creator, cast, and crew. The Onion shares the most shockingâŚ
Dawn Unveils New Small Silver Bell For Summoning Butler To Deal With Dishes
https://theonion.com/dawn-unveils-new-small-silver-bell-for-summoning-butler-to-deal-with-dishes/
Published: September 12, 2024 12:00
CINCINNATIâSaying the new product offered its customers a way to clean up after-dinner messes with 100% less scrubbing, the dishwashing brand Dawn announced Thursday it would begin selling a small silver bell for summoning a butler to deal with the dishes.âŚ
9/11 Truther Questions Why There Were Two Huge Bullseyes Painted On Side Of Twin Towers
Published: September 11, 2024 18:04
The post 9/11 Truther Questions Why There Were Two Huge Bullseyes Painted On Side Of Twin Towers appeared first on The Onion.
U.N. Chief Calls Gaza Death Toll Worst Heâs Seen
https://theonion.com/u-n-chief-calls-gaza-death-toll-worst-hes-seen/
Published: September 11, 2024 14:55
Saying Gaza had experienced the worst death and destruction he had seen in his nearly eight-year tenure, U.N. Secretary-General AntĂłnio Guterres demanded an end to the hostilities and offered U.N. support for any ceasefire. What do you think? The post U.N.âŚ
Sweetgreen Expands Line Of Kidsâ Meals For Adult Women With Eating Disorders
https://theonion.com/sweetgreen-expands-line-of-kids-meals-for-adult-women-with-eating-disorders/
Published: September 11, 2024 14:45
LOS ANGELESâIn an effort to better cater to its customer base, Sweetgreen unveiled an expanded line of kidsâ meals Wednesday for adult women with eating disorders. âFor years, our gaunt customers have been telling us they love the 275-calorie childrenâsâŚ
Baby Boomers Leave Entire $78.55 Trillion Fortune To Single Spoiled Pomeranian
https://theonion.com/baby-boomers-leave-entire-78-55-trillion-fortune-to-single-spoiled-pomeranian/
Published: September 11, 2024 14:35
NEW YORKâNoting that the 5-year-old purebred ultimately meant more to them than any of their ungrateful, deadbeat children, the nationâs baby boomers reportedly decided Wednesday to leave their entire $78.55 trillion fortune to a single spoiled Pomeranian.âŚ
âI Canât See It,â Reports Child At Every Zoo Exhibit
https://theonion.com/i-cant-see-it-reports-child-at-every-zoo-exhibit/
Published: September 11, 2024 14:31
EVERYWHEREâEmphasizing that the creature was nowhere to be found, every child at every zoo exhibit across the planet reported Wednesday that they couldnât see the animals. âWhere is it? Where is it? I canât see!â said 6-year-old Oliver Saladino, echoingâŚ
Todayâs Historic Front Page: September 10, 2024
https://theonion.com/todays-historic-front-page-september-10-2024/
Published: September 11, 2024 02:36
The post Todayâs Historic Front Page: September 10, 2024 appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Spends Entire Debate Trying To Pluck Strand Of Harrisâ Hair For DNA Test
https://theonion.com/trump-spends-entire-debate-trying-to-pluck-strand-of-harris-hair-for-dna-test/
Published: September 11, 2024 01:59
The post Trump Spends Entire Debate Trying To Pluck Strand Of Harrisâ Hair For DNA Test appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Avoids Answering Hard Questions By Pretending He Shot In Ear Again
https://theonion.com/trump-avoids-answering-hard-questions-by-pretending-he-shot-in-ear-again/
Published: September 11, 2024 01:41
PHILADELPHIAâDeflecting moderatorsâ efforts to pin down his policy positions during Tuesdayâs presidential debate, Donald Trump reportedly avoided difficult questions throughout the evening by pretending he had just taken another bullet to the ear. âWhat?âŚ
Dems Alarmed By Joe Bidenâs Poor Performance As Debate Viewer
https://theonion.com/dems-alarmed-by-joe-bidens-poor-performance-as-debate-viewer/
Published: September 11, 2024 01:28
WASHINGTONâNoting a distinct lack of energy and focus from the incumbent, Democratic Party officials were reportedly alarmed Tuesday by President Joe Bidenâs poor performance as a debate viewer. âConfidence is waning among party leaders after theâŚ
Trump Tries To Rattle Harris By Turning Eyelids Inside Out
https://theonion.com/trump-tries-to-rattle-harris-by-turning-eyelids-inside-out/
Published: September 11, 2024 01:18
PHILADELPHIAâIn an effort to throw his Democratic opponent off balance, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly attempted to rattle Kamala Harris during Tuesday eveningâs debate by turning his eyelids inside out. âKamala, hey KamalaâlookâŚ
Trump Pronouncing âHarrisâ Wrong
https://theonion.com/trump-pronouncing-harris-wrong/
Published: September 11, 2024 01:09
The post Trump Pronouncing âHarrisâ Wrong appeared first on The Onion.
David Muir: âYes, My Penis Is As Beautiful As You Think. Now Letâs Start The Debate.â
https://theonion.com/david-muir-yes-my-penis-is-as-beautiful-as-you-think-now-lets-start-the-debate/
Published: September 11, 2024 01:00
The post David Muir: âYes, My Penis Is As Beautiful As You Think. Now Letâs Start The Debate.â appeared first on The Onion.
ABC Budget Cuts Force Producers To Reuse Set From âGeneral Hospitalâ As Debate Stage
Published: September 11, 2024 00:55
The post ABC Budget Cuts Force Producers To Reuse Set From âGeneral Hospitalâ As Debate Stage appeared first on The Onion.
âSo, Which Oneâs Yours?â Asks Doug Emhoff Trying To Make Small Talk With Melania Backstage
Published: September 11, 2024 00:45
PHILADELPHIAâPointing proudly while his wife took the lectern at the presidential debate, Doug Emhoff reportedly asked âSo, which oneâs yours?â while trying to make small talk with former first lady Melania Trump backstage. âItâs so nice to meet you,âŚ
Dick Cheney To Vote For Harris
https://theonion.com/dick-cheney-to-vote-for-harris/
Published: September 10, 2024 21:34
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, a lifelong Republican, announced he will vote for Kamala Harris for president, claiming that, âIn our nationâs 248-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than DonaldâŚ
Trump Trains For Debate By Arguing With Side Of Beef Hanging In Meat Locker
https://theonion.com/trump-trains-for-debate-by-arguing-with-side-of-beef-hanging-in-meat-locker/
Published: September 10, 2024 21:05
PHILADELPHIAâPummeling the hanging piece of meat repeatedly with profanities and jabs, former President Donald Trump was reportedly training for the presidential debate Tuesday by arguing with a side of beef. âYouâre a terrible side of beefâmaybe the worstâŚ
Unloading At College
https://theonion.com/unloading-at-college/
Published: September 10, 2024 14:06
The post Unloading At College appeared first on The Onion.
Husband Files For Divorce After DNA Test Reveals Child Only Shares Half His Genes
Published: September 10, 2024 13:56
TERRE HAUTE, INâHaving confirmed his suspicions of his wifeâs infidelity, local husband Mark Polanco filed for divorce Monday after a DNA test revealed that the child he had been raising as his own only shared half his genes. âI just canât be with someoneâŚ
Man Gets Triple Bypass Reversed After Deciding He Wants Third Heart Attack
https://theonion.com/man-gets-triple-bypass-reversed-after-deciding-he-wants-third-heart-attack/
Published: September 10, 2024 13:50
DAYTON, OHâCalling the first two ârough, but ultimately worth it,â local 53-year-old Mark Butler confirmed Tuesday he had gotten his triple bypass reversed after deciding he wanted a third heart attack after all. âWhy not? Thereâs still time,â said Butler,âŚ
Right-Wing Influencers Covertly Funded By Russia
https://theonion.com/right-wing-influencers-covertly-funded-by-russia/
Published: September 9, 2024 20:36
The Justice Department accused Russia of using unwitting right-wing influencersâincluding well-known personalities such as Tim Pool, Dave Rubin, and Benny Johnsonâin its quest to amplify U.S. domestic divisions ahead of the 2024 presidential election,âŚ
Man Canât Believe What A Dumbass Cartoon Character Is
https://theonion.com/man-cant-believe-what-a-dumbass-cartoon-character-is/
Published: September 9, 2024 19:01
PUNTA GORDA, FLâExpressing bafflement at the amount of plainly idiotic behavior he was witnessing, local man Tobias Coffey stated Monday that he could not understand how the cartoon character on the screen in front of him could be such as dumbass. âWow,âŚ
Cybertruck Owner Brags About High-Tech Pedal That Makes Vehicle Accelerate When Pressed
Published: September 9, 2024 18:28
LOS ANGELESâPraising the latest of the carâs bleeding-edge features that felt like they came from the future, Cybertruck owner Anselm Hart bragged to friends Monday about its high-tech pedal that makes the vehicle accelerate when pressed. âItâs thisâŚ
Phone Manually Turned Off With Intensity Of Mobster Smothering Witness With Pillow
Published: September 9, 2024 17:49
CINCINNATIâIn an act that demonstrated a singularly cold-blooded focus, 32-year-old Andrew Thompson reportedly turned off his phone Monday with the intensity of a mobster smothering a key witness with a pillow. Sources confirmed that as Thompson graspedâŚ
Kamala Harris Struggling To Button Pantsuit After Month Of Hanging Out With Tim Walz
Published: September 9, 2024 16:54
WASHINGTONâSaying that she was probably just bloated from the milkshake, grilled cheese, and deep-fried Oreos her running mate had ordered them both for breakfast, Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris struggled to button her pantsuit MondayâŚ
Pros And Cons Of Reparations
https://theonion.com/pros-and-cons-of-reparations/
Published: September 9, 2024 13:51
Slavery reparations bill H.R. 40, named after the unfulfilled Civil War promise of â40 acres and a mule,â has been introduced in every congressional session since 1989. The Onion examines the pros and cons of reparations for Black Americans. PRO: Get toâŚ
Tom Brady Provides Detailed Analysis Of How Easy It Would Be For Him To Take Dak Prescottâs Job
Published: September 8, 2024 20:45
CLEVELANDâCovering the Browns vs. Cowboys game for his highly anticipated Fox Sports broadcasting debut, Tom Brady provided a detailed analysis Sunday of how easy it would be for him to take Dallas quarterback Dak Prescottâs job. âAs someone who competedâŚ
Bengals Coaching Staff Holding Breath After Joe Burrow Endures Rough High-Five
https://theonion.com/bengals-coaching-staff-holding-breath-after-joe-burrow-endures-rough-high-five/
Published: September 8, 2024 17:30
CINCINNATIâWincing at the sound of the two palms coming into contact with each other, the Cincinnati Bengals coaching staff reportedly held its breath Sunday after Joe Burrow endured a rough high-five from a teammate. âOof, that looked like it hurt,â saidâŚ
Hunter Biden Pleads Guilty To Federal Tax Charges
https://theonion.com/hunter-biden-pleads-guilty-to-federal-tax-charges/
Published: September 6, 2024 20:03
Hunter Biden pleaded guilty to federal tax charges, a surprise move that spares President Joe Biden and his family the ordeal of another likely criminal trial. What do you think? The post Hunter Biden Pleads Guilty To Federal Tax Charges appeared first onâŚ
Horrified Taylor Swift Realizes Football Happens Every Year
https://theonion.com/horrified-taylor-swift-realizes-football-happens-every-year/
Published: September 6, 2024 17:57
KANSAS CITY, MOâGrowing increasingly alarmed as she stared at her boyfriend Travis Kelceâs upcoming 2024 schedule, a horrified Taylor Swift reportedly realized for the first time Friday that football happens every year. âSo footballâŚthatâs not just a thingâŚ
Jimmy Carter Awakens To Learn He Outlived Every Single Person In America
https://theonion.com/jimmy-carter-awakens-to-learn-he-outlived-every-single-person-in-america/
Published: September 6, 2024 15:46
PLAINS, GAâOpening his eyes to find an empty room eerily devoid of any sounds, former President Jimmy Carter reportedly awoke Friday to learn that he had seemingly outlived every single person in America. âHello? Is anybody there? Can anyone hear me?â saidâŚ
Venezuelan President Declares Christmas In October
https://theonion.com/venezuelan-president-declares-christmas-in-october/
Published: September 6, 2024 13:36
Venezuelaâs authoritarian leader NicolĂĄs Maduro decreed that Christmas will start Oct. 1 in the country, the announcement coming as Venezuela grapples with the fallout from a July presidential election that saw Maduro claim a third term despite globalâŚ
Tips For Growing Your TikTok Following
https://theonion.com/tips-for-growing-your-tiktok-following/
Published: September 6, 2024 13:26
Despite its looming U.S. ban, TikTok continues to grow in popularity, with over 1 billion active monthly users across the globe. The Onion shares tips for growing your follower count on the social media platform. The post Tips For Growing Your TikTokâŚ
New Antigravity Hover Shoes Protect Dogsâ Paws From Anything Within 6 Inches Of Ground
Published: September 6, 2024 13:17
NEW YORKâCatering to consumers whose dogs have an aversion to outdoor surfaces, pet accessory brand Wild One unveiled new antigravity hover shoes Friday designed to protect canine paws from hazards by allowing the wearer to float up to six inches off theâŚ
Raygunâs Apology To Breakdancing Community Sparks Outrage From Apology Community
Published: September 5, 2024 20:29
SYDNEYâIn an outpouring of criticism in which the expression of remorse was disparaged as an affront to the art form, Olympian Rachael Gunnâs apology to the breakdance community sparked outrage Thursday from the apology community. âQuite frankly, it lookedâŚ
ADHD Drugmaker To Ease Ongoing Shortage By Increasing Production
https://theonion.com/adhd-drugmaker-to-ease-ongoing-shortage-by-increasing-production/
Published: September 5, 2024 19:08
The Drug Enforcement Administration increased the production limit for Takeda Pharmaceuticalâs ADHD drug Vyvanse and its generic versions by about 24% to address the medicineâs ongoing shortage in the United States. What do you think? The post ADHDâŚ
Dad Not Leaving This Mini Golf Hole Until Son Shows Him Some Good Form
https://theonion.com/dad-not-leaving-this-mini-golf-hole-until-son-shows-him-some-good-form/
Published: September 5, 2024 17:40
LOVES PARK, ILâFirm in his refusal to move on to the next tee until his standards had been met, area dad Greg Nevins announced Thursday that he was not leaving this mini golf hole until his son Logan showed him some good form. âCome on, enough playingâŚ
Joey Chestnut Eats Entire Cast Of âStranger Thingsâ In Under 10 Minutes
https://theonion.com/joey-chestnut-eats-entire-cast-of-stranger-things-in-under-10-minutes/
Published: September 5, 2024 13:23
LAS VEGASâIn a triumphant victory over longtime rival Takeru Kobayashi during a live-streamed Netflix special, competitive eater Joey Chestnut reportedly ate the entire cast of Stranger Things in under 10 minutes Thursday. âThere were times in there when IâŚ
Switchblade-Wielding Subway Rider Locked In Standoff With Penis-Wielding Subway Rider
Published: September 5, 2024 13:18
CHICAGOâSending commuters into a panic, a switchblade-wielding subway rider was reportedly locked in a tense standoff Thursday with a penis-wielding rider. âAs soon as the two of these guys made eye contact, everybody knew there was no way they wereâŚ
What To Know About MDMA Therapy
https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-mdma-therapy/
Published: September 5, 2024 13:13
Supporters of MDMA therapy say the treatment eases the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, producing lifesaving results for groups such as veterans. Here is what you need to know about the experimental new treatment. Q: Why did the FDA recentlyâŚ
âNo Way To Prevent This,â Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
https://theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-regularly-happens/
Published: September 4, 2024 20:27
WINDER, GAâIn the hours following a violent rampage in Georgia in which a lone attacker killed at least four individuals and injured nine others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concludedâŚ
Paralyzed High School Quarterback Praised As Hero For Not Suing
https://theonion.com/paralyzed-high-school-quarterback-praised-as-hero-for-not-suing/
Published: September 4, 2024 14:21
DAVENPORT, IAâLauded for his courage and good cheer even in the face of adversity, local high school quarterback Brett Modine, who was paralyzed during a practice scrimmage earlier in the year, was praised as a hero this week for not suing. âReal braveryâŚ
Cautious Study Finds Whatever Everyone Else Found
https://theonion.com/cautious-study-finds-whatever-everyone-else-found/
Published: September 4, 2024 14:13
CAMBRIDGE, MAâLargely conforming with the preexisting research on the subject, a cautious study published Wednesday by researchers at Harvard University found whatever everyone else found. âAfter exhaustive trials and data analysis, our team can confirmâŚ
Controversial Ad Reveals Mr. Clean Only Dates Black Women
https://theonion.com/controversial-ad-reveals-mr-clean-only-dates-black-women/
Published: September 4, 2024 14:08
CINCINNATIâDrawing mixed reactions from viewers with its attempt to flesh out the backstory of the popular cleaning products mascot, a new ad released by Procter & Gamble this week generated controversy with its revelation that Mr. Clean only dates BlackâŚ