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The following is not satire. Seriously.
Site URL: notthebee.com
Feed URL: notthebee.com/feed
Posts: 138
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Breaking: Multiple people shot by sniper on interstate in Kentucky
https://notthebee.com/article/breaking-kentucky-shooter/
Published: September 7, 2024 23:45
An active shooter situation has been ongoing in Kentucky as someone has been firing into traffic from the woods with a sniper rifle.
A man was arrested in Louisiana for alleged kidnap and rape of a 13-year-old girl ... you'll never guess his legal status
Published: September 7, 2024 19:06
It seems like we have to write this same story, or a story like it, every single day.
New expedition to Titanic reveals collapse of iconic bow railing as ship continues to deteriorate
Published: September 7, 2024 18:57
A haunting, somber reminder that though it has remained well-preserved for over a century, the Titanic wreck is in a state of active and regular decay:
Senator Josh Hawley says Secret Service training for Trump event was a glitchy online presentation
Published: September 7, 2024 17:18
As more details about the assassination attempt on former president Donald Trump come to light, the Secret Service looks worse and worse.
Alabama town ends city council meeting abruptly after getting questions about influx of Haitian refugees
Published: September 7, 2024 17:05
Guys, Sylacauga, Alabama is NOT a border town.
You know you wanna watch this lady yoink a bird out of this pelican's mouth
Published: September 7, 2024 15:32
Here's a video that will have you saying "What the heck did I just watch?"
It's clear, Kamala Harris will come after free speech on social media platforms if she's elected president
Published: September 7, 2024 15:11
Free speech is alive and well in this country, though it looks like it doesn't have much time left.
You need to watch this woman plead with her Ohio town council: āIt is so unsafe. I have men that cannot speak English in my front yard screaming at meā
https://notthebee.com/article/ohio-haitians/
Published: September 7, 2024 13:04
This is happening all over America.
Behold! The worldās smallest vacuum made from the husk of a ballpoint pen.
Published: September 7, 2024 12:41
Indian student Tapala Nadamuni just beat the suckiest world record on the planet and built the world's smallest vacuum.
Dick Cheney, a man who Joe Biden once called "the most dangerous VP ... in American history," is going to vote for Kamala Harris
Published: September 7, 2024 11:34
Well, I guess it's over for Trump now. He's just officially lost the Cheney vote.
Watchdog group says Biden's DoJ is "Trump-proofing" the department so the Swamp can't be drained
Published: September 6, 2024 20:15
Donald Trump is considering hiring Elon Musk as a hatchet man to help trim down the deep state and drain the Swamp, so of course we just learned this from Just The News:
Report: Georgia school shooter was "bullied for being gay," expressed "frustrations about the acceptance of transgender people" as reason for attack
Published: September 6, 2024 19:56
Have you seen this meme floating around?
Appeals courts in Michigan, North Carolina rule RFK can have his name taken off the ballot
Published: September 6, 2024 19:52
Well, here's some great news for the Trump campaign. A Michigan appeals court has ruled that RFK, as he requested, can, and will, have his name removed from the presidential ballot in the Great Lakes State.
Pennsylvania seeks to execute first woman in 80 years after alleged assault, homicide of twin babies
Published: September 6, 2024 19:05
A brutal crime in Pennsylvania has raised a commensurate response form the state government:
University of Nottingham drops the term "Anglo-Saxon" from course titles in order to "decolonise the curriculum"
Published: September 6, 2024 18:42
The University of Nottingham has decided to drop the term "Anglo-Saxon" from its course titles as part of an effort to "decolonise the curriculum" and tackle "nationalist narratives."
Scientists gave a mushroom a robot body and it's already learned to walk because apparently we need more sci-fi nightmares to come true
Published: September 6, 2024 18:07
If you paid any attention to action movies from the '80s and '90s, you'll know that one day, robots are going to kill us all. And if you paid any attention to the video games or its HBO adaptation, Last of Us, you'll know that, one day, mushrooms are goingā¦
BREAKING: New York court delays Trump's sentencing until after presidential election
Published: September 6, 2024 17:21
The New York court overseeing the Trump hush money trial has just announced that they are going to delay the sentencing until November 26.
Even after hosting pro-Palestine encampments last year, Harvard and Columbia still rank worst for free speech
Published: September 6, 2024 17:16
An analysis from the Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression and College Pulse ranked Harvard and Columbia dead last in the country for student free speech.
Apparently there are monsters living among us and the comment section is enraged
https://notthebee.com/article/apparently-there-are-monsters-living-among-us/
Published: September 6, 2024 16:57
Someone reading this will think this is totally normal.
Indian man dies after being taken off life support and thrown from an ambulance while driver molested his wife
Published: September 6, 2024 16:48
Another day, another horrendous story of sexual assault out of India.
The NFL will play the Black National Anthem before every game on opening weekend
Published: September 6, 2024 16:30
In 2024, the NFL will once again play the Black National Anthem, "Lift Every Voice and Sing," before every game of opening weekend.
Report: England's prisons are so crowded with thought criminals that they may soon start renting prison space in Estonia
Published: September 6, 2024 15:45
A few weeks ago, we told you about the criminals who were being released from British prisons to make way for thought criminals who dare to speak their minds on the internet š
TIMELINE CLEANSE: Listen to this autistic kid replicate a bunch of bird calls for his classmates
Published: September 6, 2024 15:42
Call me a nerd, but I just absolutely love birds. And apparently so does this kid, who has not only memorized a ton of different bird calls, but is able to replicate them to a T.
This black Pennsylvania voter says she's nervous about voicing her flip to Trump after realizing all the narratives about him were hogwash
Published: September 6, 2024 15:28
Most Trump supporters don't have hats, yard signs, or bumper stickers because they are afraid of what will happen to them or their families.
Welcome to Seattle, where video shows an 8-time felon running over an 80-year-old woman after stealing her car
Published: September 6, 2024 15:12
Here's what happens when your city decides to let 8-time felons back on the streets in the name of "equity."
Gay Men's Chorus of Tampa Bay at Methodist church: "Of all the dangers kids face in the USA today, not one of them's a man in a skirt"
Published: September 6, 2024 15:07
What in the United Methodist Church do we have here?
Crime in New York is so out of control that the state is requiring large retailers to install "panic buttons"
Published: September 6, 2024 14:57
Yep, this is totally, absolutely, 100% normal:
We know all the family details about this week's school shooter, but we still know very little about the Trump or Covenant School shooters. Let's talk about it.
Published: September 6, 2024 14:23
The details are in about the kid who apparently admitted to shooting up a Georgia school on Tuesday - killing 4 people and hospitalizing 9 - and man oh man do we know A LOT.
Superstar "Christian" athlete Steph Curry says he's voting for Kamala because she's pro-abortion š„“
Published: September 6, 2024 13:27
One of America's most idolized superstars, and a man who publicly claims to be a Christian, explained to CNBC that he is excited to support Kamala Harris in 2024 because she's the most pro-abortion candidate.
Associated Propaganda butchered this JD Vance quote so badly that they deleted their own post
Published: September 6, 2024 13:06
You don't hate journalists enough. You think you do, but you don't.
Biden casually admits that his āinfrastructureā bill was all about climate change
Published: September 6, 2024 12:45
I tell you, it's got to be a relief for the old man to be able to get up in front of a podium and just let it rip like this:
Travis Kelce got a new haircut and I'm thinking he lost a bet
https://notthebee.com/sports/travis-kelce-got-a-new-haircut-and-im-pretty-sure-he-lost-a-bet/
Published: September 6, 2024 12:29
Last year, people were literally asking their barber to hook them up with the "Travis Kelce'" And it was actually a pretty cool haircut, which happened to be a simple fade.
Tim Walz's mannerisms sure are something, aren't they?
https://notthebee.com/article/tim-walzs-mannerisms-sure-are-something/
Published: September 5, 2024 20:01
I have to admit, my gaydar is going off the charts every time I watch this video, and I don't think it's just me.
FBI raids homes of two top aides to NYC Mayor Eric Adams
https://notthebee.com/article/the-fbi-has-raided-the-homes-of-two-top-aides-of-nyc-mayor-eric-adams/
Published: September 5, 2024 20:01
We're now up to five Eric Adams aides who've had their properties raided by the FBI, presumably as part of its investigation into a potential kickback scheme at City Hall involving the Turkish government and a Brooklyn construction company.
Chinese doctors save life of 25-week preemie born during flight to Beijing
Published: September 5, 2024 19:44
A Chinese mom was traveling with her 4-year-old daughter from Haikou, Hainan, in southern China to meet her husband in Beijing last month, when she went into labor at only 25 weeks.
Eagles CB Darius Slay claims players were told not to leave their Brazilian hotel due to crime, says he told his family not to come to the overseas game
Published: September 5, 2024 19:34
So the Eagles have landed in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and, according to Eagles CB Darius Slay, due to the city's high crime rate, the players are supposed to be simply staying in their hotel rooms and not wandering about.
Report: Secret Service diversity office sends memo about all-expenses-paid LGBT retreat at Disney World
Published: September 5, 2024 19:02
At this point, is anyone at all surprised that the Biden administration is bankrolling a big gay trip to one of the most LGBT-centric places in the world?
TikTok star tries to trademark viral phrase "very demure, very mindful" after sound clip goes viral
Published: September 5, 2024 18:55
You've probably seen the "very demure, very mindful" trend, and if you haven't, I am sorry to inform you about it.
Florida surgeon sued for allegedly removing wrong organ from patient, killing him
Published: September 5, 2024 18:13
It's always a good idea to choose your doctor carefully ā and to really do your homework on your surgeon, cuz look at this:
The Babylon Bee is releasing a feature-length mockumentary about January 6. Check out the trailer.
https://notthebee.com/article/the-babylon-bee-is-releasing-its-first-feature-length-movie/
Published: September 5, 2024 18:02
Today, our brothers-in-arms over at The Babylon Bee announced they are releasing a feature-length film making fun of the one thing you're not supposed to make fun of: the darkest, and "most deadliest day" in American history: January 6.
Walz tried to troll Vance with donuts, but bought whoopie pies instead ... then something more embarrassing happened
Published: September 5, 2024 17:58
Everyone knows the left can't meme, but watching them attempt to troll the right is just as entertaining in person.
WATCH: Trump says he will appoint Elon Musk to head Government Efficiency Commission to wipe out government waste - "this will save trillions of dollars"
Published: September 5, 2024 17:22
This election has two possible outcomes: The takeover of middle management, or middle management getting fired to save the company (nation).
Watch a group of dudes in New York flip over a minivan after a drunk driver wrecked it
https://notthebee.com/article/watch-a-group-of-dudes-flip-over-a-tipped-minivan-in-new-york-city/
Published: September 5, 2024 17:04
Crazy stuff out of Brooklyn this week:
Hunter Biden changes "not guilty" plea minutes ahead of jury selection in federal court
Published: September 5, 2024 16:39
Minutes before court began today, Hunter Biden and his team decided that he would no longer plea "not guilty" to tax crimes he is being charged with.
German Navy insists "no deeper message" behind warship's decision to blast Darth Vader theme while cruising through London
Published: September 5, 2024 16:30
Sure, the German Navy blasting the ominous Imperial March from one of their warships as it casually sailed down the River Thames in London might seem a bit concerning, but don't worry ā they assure us Darth Vader's theme song was playing just for fun!
The Arizona street preacher who was shot in the head last year is nearly recovered. Watch his tearjerking interview with local news.
Published: September 5, 2024 15:28
In November of last year, Hans Schmidt, a street preacher in Arizona, was shot in the head in a random act of violence while sharing the Gospel message.
The University of Virginia suspends student-led tours that were trashing the school and Thomas Jefferson
Published: September 5, 2024 15:25
Thomas Jefferson might be rolling over in his grave. Or he might just be laughing like crazy about this, I don't know:
Yo! It looks like Conor McGregor is actually going to run for president of Ireland š
Published: September 5, 2024 14:21
It was late last year when we told you that MMA fighter Conor McGregor was really making an attempt to enter into Irish politics.
Watch as Green Day flees the stage after a drone threat in Detroit
https://notthebee.com/article/watch-green-day-flee-stage-after-drone-threat/
Published: September 5, 2024 14:00
Check this out: Green Day was on stage Wednesday night in Detroit when stadium security informed them of a "drone threat," leading to this scene right here:
WATCH: Vladimir Putin expresses support for Kamala Harris, says "her laugh is so fascinating"
Published: September 5, 2024 13:50
lololololololololol
2019 video shows Kamala Harris agreeing with the idea that we need separate laws for people with different skin colors š¤
Published: September 5, 2024 13:41
Call me a conspiracist, but something about this does NOT sound like equal justice under the law.
FBI confirms they questioned Georgia school shooter last year for making threats to shoot up schools
Published: September 5, 2024 13:18
Well, I hate to say we all saw this coming ... but we all saw this coming.
RIP, Hvladimir. Beloved spy whale found dead of mysterious causes.
Published: September 5, 2024 13:01
Back in 2019, a mysterious beluga whale was found by fishermen off the coast of Norway, sporting a spy camera that read, "Equipment St. Petersburg."
This clip of Trump going off script after a mosquito flew in his face will make your day
Published: September 5, 2024 13:00
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, and when life gives you mosquitos while you're doing a live town hall, well, you do this.
This is the actual FBI director's official response to "foreign adversaries meddling in American democracy" š
Published: September 5, 2024 12:55
Yesterday, we told you that the Biden DoJ planned to drop the hammer and make some serious allegations about Russian interference in the US election.
This White Dude for Harris tried to jump a Trump supporter and it was easily the funniest moment of my day
Published: September 4, 2024 19:52
They hate people who think differently than them so much.
Olympic runner set on fire by boyfriend after argument at her home in Kenya
https://notthebee.com/sports/olympic-runner-set-fire-boyfriend-argument-home-kenya/
Published: September 4, 2024 19:51
This Paris Olympic marathon runner from Uganda, living in Kenya, was doused in gasoline and set on fire by her boyfriend after a fight.
World Darts Association threatens to discipline female players if they refuse to play against trans opponents
Published: September 4, 2024 19:25
Times being the way they are, if a female athlete these days objects to being forced to play with men, she can actually be professionally harmed for it.
Warner Brothers released a trailer for its new (I kid you not) Minecraft movie, and this picture sums it up
Published: September 4, 2024 19:10
Are you ready for (yet another) movie to scrape out the insides of an Intellectual Property for the Modern Audienceā¢ to further the Narrativeā¢?
If you wanna live near Los Angeles, you can buy half a house, crushed by a tree, for half a million dollars
Published: September 4, 2024 18:34
I knew that housing in Los Angeles was ridiculous, but this seems cruel.
Watch this bear sneak up on a kid eating popcorn in the backyard
https://notthebee.com/article/watch-this-bear-sneak-up-on-a-kid-eating-popcorn-in-the-back-yard/
Published: September 4, 2024 18:12
So apparently black bears like kettle corn, and we know because of this video out of Aspen, Colorado.
Torontoās First Black Female Superintendent Busted For Racist Misconduct
Published: September 4, 2024 17:50
Stacy Clarke rode the DEI train to the top of Toronto's police service, but she just could not be satisfied with her intersectional good luck.
Uh oh: Fani Willis and her lover (the guy she hired to prosecute Trump) seen during daughter's arrest after testifying they were no longer dating
Published: September 4, 2024 17:39
Remember when the judge in Trump's Georgia election interference case told Fulton County DA Fani Willis she could stay on the case if she took Nathan Wade, who happened to be her lover, off the case?
Report: Biden is gearing up to accuse Russia of interfering in the 2024 election
Published: September 4, 2024 17:36
The Democrats are playing same hand they played in 2016!
UPDATES: School shooter in custody after attack that left at least two dead in Georgia
https://notthebee.com/article/school-shooter-in-custody-after-attack-that-left-two-dead-in-georgia/
Published: September 4, 2024 17:11
Happening now:
This little guy spent 419 days in the hospital after being born at 26 weeks and now he's finally home
https://notthebee.com/article/baby-boy-born-at-26-weeks-is-finally-home-from-hospital/
Published: September 4, 2024 16:31
Nathaniel Flores, a boy born at 26 weeks gestation, is finally going home after a 419-day stay in the hospital.
Iran sentences writer to 12 years in prison after ratioing Ayatollah with a period
Published: September 4, 2024 15:50
An Iranian writer and activist, Hossein Shanbehzadeh, just got sentenced to 12 years in prison for - I promise this is a real story - replying to a post from Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, with a period.
This Romanian woman was using an amber nugget worth a million bucks as her doorstop ... for decades
Published: September 4, 2024 15:34
Can you imagine using a million-dollar stone as a doorstop and not even realizing it??
Remember the Navy commander who went viral for his backwards rifle scope? He's been relieved of duty "due to a loss of confidence in his ability" š¬
Published: September 4, 2024 15:21
Did the internet just get the commander of a guided-missile destroyer fired??
CBS says more Americans are having to choose between food or keeping the lights on. They blame climate change, of course.
Published: September 4, 2024 15:15
Americans are in year four of the worst economic leadership in our lifetimes and people are literally having to choose between their power bill and eating.
Amy Adams has a new movie where she's a stressed stay-at-home mom who is turning into a dog to release her "primal urges" and fancies herself a god
Published: September 4, 2024 14:47
We've finally done it. We've hit peak feminism.
Amazon says Alexa's biased answers on voting for Donald Trump or Kamala Harris was "error"
Published: September 4, 2024 14:21
The latest example in an ever-expanding history of Big Tech political bias came when users of Amazon's "Alexa" voice service noticed that they got different answers when they asked why someone should vote for Kamala Harris compared to Donald Trump.
Buckle up: Is this the most cringeworthy video of 2024?
https://notthebee.com/article/buckle-up-is-this-the-most-cringeworthy-video-of-2024/
Published: September 4, 2024 13:38
I know it's a religion to people who have no faith in anything beyond earthly power. I know that they do these kinds of things in all sincerity. And, at least in terms of the kids, they do these kinds of things because they are desiring and seeking theirā¦
The NFL hype video is here and guess who makes the most appearances
Published: September 4, 2024 13:01
The NFL season is just a day away, and it looks like we have our first Taylor Swift hype video NFL hype video.
He's baaaaaack! Brian Stelter is returning home to CNN
https://notthebee.com/article/hes-baaaaaack-brian-stelter-is-returning-home-to-cnn/
Published: September 4, 2024 13:00
The writers of the 2024 election season just hit me with such a twist!
Fox reporter asks White House press secretary when Kamala Harris developed her new southern accent š
Published: September 3, 2024 20:40
Sometimes, I truly believe we've lost our appreciation for how insanely comical this current moment in history is.
This is how you prepare your kids for public school
https://notthebee.com/article/this-is-how-you-prepare-your-kids-for-public-school/
Published: September 3, 2024 20:25
Teach them young.
This 6th grader was arrested for quoting a meme in class
https://notthebee.com/article/colorado-6th-grader-arrested-for-repeating-meme-in-class/
Published: September 3, 2024 20:20
When 11-year-old Indicas Koonaloak-Young of Colorado City, Texas, said, "My main goal is to blow up," all his peers heard, "I want to be internet famous," but his teacher clearly had no idea how kids talked these days.
Four subway riders shot dead in Chiraq
https://notthebee.com/article/progress-4-people-shot-dead-on-chicago-subway/
Published: September 3, 2024 19:42
Oh look: Illinois, one of the most gun-regulated states in the Union, still can't keep gun crime down.
This website is seeking a "Pumpkin Spice Pundit" to taste test Trader Joe's finest fall items
Published: September 3, 2024 19:19
The website FinanceBuzz is offering $1000, plus a $500 pumpkin spice shopping spree to one pumpkin-loving Trader Joe's customer who will taste test and rate every pumpkin spice flavored product in Trader Joe's Fall food selection.
This Florida State fan said he would eat dog doo-doo if they lost to Boston College. They lost to Boston College.
Published: September 3, 2024 18:36
Here's a life lesson for all you sports fans out there: If you love your team so much that you'll promise to eat dog poop out of a solo cup if they lose, you better be ready to eat dog poop out of a solo cup when they lose.
Lawsuit: Rich black couple in majority-black town says neighbors keep calling the police on them because they are black š„“
Published: September 3, 2024 18:23
The Floyds, a black couple in an affluent area of Maryland, have an interesting strategy for dealing with neighbors who are upset they've turned their almost-million-dollar home in Accokeek into a party hub: Cry racism.
Arizona HOA fines homeowner $100 per month for ā I kid you not ā giving neighbors free water out of driveway cooler
Published: September 3, 2024 18:13
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: HOAs are evil.
FBI charges "high-ranking" former aide to NY Gov. Kathy Hochul with being Chinese spy
Published: September 3, 2024 17:52
A former aide to Governor Kathy Hochul and her husband just got nabbed by the FBI and are being charged with acting as an agent of the Chinese Communist Party.
This perp was deported 16 times. Now he's only getting ONE year in jail for killing a Colorado grandpa.
Published: September 3, 2024 17:43
Just in case you needed a reminder of one of the main issues at stake in this election:
California reparations bills stalled as state moves to give illegal immigrants $150,000 toward down payments for homes
Published: September 3, 2024 17:33
You are now second to illegal immigrants when it comes to free stuff!While California lawmakers have passed legislation to grant illegal immigrants up to $150,000 toward home down payments in the state, a pair of bills aimed at providing reparations toā¦
Armie Hammer says he's selling his truck because gas is too expensive in Los Angeles
Published: September 3, 2024 17:22
Armie Hammer, the guy who went from being Hollywood's golden boy to that guy you avoid eye contact with at Whole Foods, is now selling his truck because gas prices are too high in Los Angeles.
The Nashville shooter's FULL manifesto was just published by a brave news outlet. Here are the disturbing details you haven't seen.
Published: September 3, 2024 16:28
Brent Leatherwood, president of the Southern Baptist Convention's ERLC, must be devastated that the truth was FINALLY brought into the light!
The White House suddenly wants everyone to know that Kamala Harris actually played a role in the Biden administration all along
Published: September 3, 2024 16:14
You guys, the White House really wants us to think highly of Kamala Harris. Look at this:
Report: 75% of perps getting arrested in Midtown Manhattan for assault, burglary, and domestic violence are "migrants"
Published: September 3, 2024 15:44
In New York City, the American Dream apparently now includes a complimentary criminal record!
Ask Amazon's Alexa why you should vote for Trump ... then ask it about Kamala Harris š¤
Published: September 3, 2024 15:25
When I first saw this on X I thought for sure it was fake.
Listen to this 911 dispatcher talk about ā32 Venezuelansā that stormed a Chicago apartment building
Published: September 3, 2024 14:15
Coming to a city near you:
Scientists say they have discovered a way to recycle ALL the plastic
https://notthebee.com/article/scientists-finally-discover-a-way-to-recycle-all-the-plastic/
Published: September 3, 2024 13:52
I hate it when people chide me for throwing out my plastic instead of recycling it.
The Church of the Immaculate Conception of Saint-Omer just burned down, the latest in a string of churches that have caught fire in France
Published: September 3, 2024 13:34
Yet another historic Christian church has been burned down in France. This time, it's the Immaculate Conception Church in Saint Omer:
Bee Forum News: CNN Receives Medal Of Freedom For Editing Harris-Walz Interview
Published: September 3, 2024 13:26
CNN has been granted a Medal of Freedom for performing a great service to the country by editing out 22 minutes of the Harris-Walz interview. The White House cited the incalculable good to the country rendered by the removal of minute after minute of wordsā¦
California bans Flaminā Hot Cheetos in schools. How long will people put up with this insanity?
Published: September 3, 2024 13:08
California is not just running its citizens out of the state; now they're running Chester Cheetah out too, at least his Flamin' Hot Cheetos anyway.
Big props to these trailblazers who were named among "8 Incredible Canadian Women" by ELLE Magazine!
Published: September 3, 2024 12:54
Good to see that Canada is having a very normal, very Canadian day up there:
See if you can spot the difference between Kamala in Detroit and Kamala in Pittsburgh
https://notthebee.com/article/spot-the-difference-between-kamala-in-detroit-and-kamala-in-pitt/
Published: September 3, 2024 12:49
I don't know, I feel like Kamala might be adjusting her rhetorical style based upon what ā ahem ā region she happens to find herself in:
The Philadelphia Eagles are trying to figure out who put up these counterfeit Kamala posters all over their city
Published: September 3, 2024 12:40
Bro, this is how desperate the Dems are right now. We thought yesterday that the Philadelphia Eagles had come out in support of Kamala Harris.
The US has seized Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro's presidential airplane
Published: September 2, 2024 17:29
Welp, this just happened.
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