RSS Parrot

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m35vkypll22u

Published: October 14, 2025 14:05

Subscribe to The Onion and help us become a bigger newspaper than The Washington Post by next year. It can happen! membership.theonion.com [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m34cyaoqz222

Published: October 13, 2025 23:00

If you're wondering whether or not to get a flu shot, I didn't get one in time, and I just had a fever dream where I was in the Drew Carey Show because several days ago I was on the Wikipedia page for the Drew Carey Show. You don't have to do this to…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2z67z3ohk2x

Published: October 12, 2025 16:57

Listen to the response to this and look how easy it is to say it. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2pq4fptnc2p

Published: October 8, 2025 22:51

She's Canadian, you wouldn't know her. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2p3dtogwk27

Published: October 8, 2025 16:39

Despite getting whatever anti-trans narrative they wanted out of the Charlie Kirk shooting, the American right is now blaming the Jews instead, because content must be created. It is almost like the "first they came for" thing is not hypothetical! …

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2owryypak2t

Published: October 8, 2025 15:17

The most important political thread of our time. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2muqqumsc23

Published: October 7, 2025 19:35

Folks, it's happening. We're releasing Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile this Thursday at 7 p.m. Mark your calendars. Get excited to know even less about Jeffrey Epstein. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2mtwh4duc23

Published: October 7, 2025 19:21

https://gothamist.com/arts-entertainment/the-guy-behind-those-friend-ads-in-the-subways-is-tired-of-talking-to-new-yorkers

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2l5oe2zkk2t

Published: October 7, 2025 03:10

How many games is the Chiefs' resident incel podcaster/kicker going to have blow out of nowhere for them to realize he shouldn't be in the league anymore?

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2kcgn64p22b

Published: October 6, 2025 19:02

This guy sounds like a fucking lunatic. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2kb6ijqwc2r

Published: October 6, 2025 18:40

Important to note ICE tends to drop off detainees before 9 a.m. and after 6 p.m., which is why people were protesting at 5 a.m. to begin with. It's not because waking up at 4 a.m. was a convenient time for protesters! [contains quote post or other…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2k6x3ss5c2n

Published: October 6, 2025 18:00

Subscribe to The Onion. I want to have more subscribers than The Free Press as soon as possible. This is achievable. In exchange, when we sell the company to a drone and cobalt magnate so I can dive in a pool of gold coins Scrooge McDuck-style, you will…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2k4lm2dxc2r

Published: October 6, 2025 17:18

"We're gonna crash some planes if you don't fund ICE." [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2k2fmin7s2i

Published: October 6, 2025 16:39

Doing some back of the napkin math on the Free Press acquisition, I've determined The Onion is worth $2 trillion.

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2jtqwvrfc2r

Published: October 6, 2025 14:40

Greatest regret in life is not taking this George Foreman Grill once used by George Foreman on the Today Show. An inexcusable and hideous mistake. I should've brought it home and made it my wife.

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2jp5ypkjc2p

Published: October 6, 2025 13:18

Is the irony of the president’s friend buying something called “the free press” and immediately installing a government truth compliance officer lost on everybody? [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2ik3s7ats2i

Published: October 6, 2025 02:14

Pretty clear Stephen Miller, Noem, Hegseth and Trump are trying to provoke a Civil War at this point. What's interesting is they want to do it now, because even though they're unpopular, they seem to believe this is the most popular they'll be ever again.…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2ifvm5mh22f

Published: October 6, 2025 00:59

Choose your fighter: [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2hpg2aecs2n

Published: October 5, 2025 18:17

If you watch closely, you'll see they're doing this opposite an actual funeral procession. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2hooljbzs2s

Published: October 5, 2025 18:04

One way out of this might come wrapped in Reaganite branding. Somebody runs on "America Is Open for Business." They'll promise to end tariffs by fiat, reopen global trade, launch a ludicrously expensive marketing campaign to convince tourists they won't be…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2hmr5drok2z

Published: October 5, 2025 17:29

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the bad guys know they’re losing, so it’s important to read it when they say it out loud. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2fpk7j2r22j

Published: October 4, 2025 23:14

history teacher in 50 years: So in September, that’s when the president signed an executive order criminalizing anti-fascism and saying all resistance would be crushed student: oh so that’s when the whole country realized they were living under fascism …

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2fi4beqqc2g

Published: October 4, 2025 21:01

The ICE agents deploying these are people without necessary training, those who couldn’t cut it in police training or didn’t want to join the military. They are in this to hurt people and play Call of Duty on our streets, deploying chemical weapons on our…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2eyh4kbsc2e

Published: October 4, 2025 16:20

Folks they're calling it The Mario. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2d5s3efqs2i

Published: October 3, 2025 22:51

Have not watched this video and don't know what it's about but when it popped up in the algorithm I knew I had to share the title with the world.

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2ctfgvxrs2m

Published: October 3, 2025 19:45

I am just so fucking proud of her.

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2csirhcak2b

Published: October 3, 2025 19:29

These people want any excuse available to abuse women. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2crdm3i6k2c

Published: October 3, 2025 19:08

Have not yet listened to Taylor Swift’s football hog ode Wood, but everyone talking about has made it impossible to get Would? by Alice In Chains out of my head.

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2conu5k5c2h

Published: October 3, 2025 18:20

This is literally directly across the street from an elementary school. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2cmzbgmlc2k

Published: October 3, 2025 17:50

Oracle employees who expressed support for Palestine were "referred to internal mental health resources." Oracle is about to own TikTok. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2chpphwws2o

Published: October 3, 2025 16:16

Everyone who came out to see Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile last night, from the bottom of my dead heart: Thank you. The positive feedback has been overwhelming, so we're trying to figure out where to go from here. In the meantime, just... thank you for…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2chbyj3w22o

Published: October 3, 2025 16:08

The reviews for Bad Pedophile are in! Such as "Haven't laughed this much at a movie in my life, 4/5 stars."

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2cd7zbmas2l

Published: October 3, 2025 14:55

Famous words of many Nobel Peace Prize winners. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m2434vu4gs2m

Published: October 1, 2025 03:14

Just gonna keep tapping the sign* *𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘐𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m23y3td5jk2f

Published: October 1, 2025 02:20

Winter is approaching and I'm considering purchasing a Lenny Kravitz scarf. The Chicago winter has broken the spirits of many. I want to lug around a big ol blanket and call it clothes. I am prioritizing comfort this year and that means wearing a comforter…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m23oi2is7k2m

Published: September 30, 2025 23:28

Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile (2025) [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m237yupcok2d

Published: September 30, 2025 19:09

We've been CENSORED (put behind the moderation wall) for TRUTH (saying "pedophile" too much). You can watch the new trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drbH1UFUE0s [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m232lm3o4c2w

Published: September 30, 2025 17:32

To be fair, Polymarket has a market for if Bush Did 9/11. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m22zu6rs4k2p

Published: September 30, 2025 17:19

I hope this is a historic piece of writing. You should read it. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m22wyb32ls2q

Published: September 30, 2025 16:28

If you want some solace, and this may be copium, it does appear this shit bombed. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m22t3bcdyk2d

Published: September 30, 2025 15:18

Spent the last decade reading conservative blogs use the word "Orwellian" more than they used the word "the" and now they're literally just saying "War is Peace" out loud in front of everybody. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m22svkwnsk2d

Published: September 30, 2025 15:14

Exhibit A at The Hague just dropped [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3m22poeg5gs2b

Published: September 30, 2025 14:17

Did he just declare war on four American cities? [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3lzzhtppkoc2g

Published: September 30, 2025 02:24

It's beautiful. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3lzzf7auoo22l

Published: September 30, 2025 01:37

This is it. [contains quote post or other embedded content]

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3lzzbizitrc2l

Published: September 30, 2025 00:31

I mean when you phrase it that way sure

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3lzywtzrra22f

Published: September 29, 2025 21:20

The reason we're rounding up grandmothers and shoving them onto concrete floors for months at a time with no habeas corpus is in part because soft human trafficking is an incredibly lucrative business for some people in this administration.…

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3lzys5n3mws2k

Published: September 29, 2025 19:56

Any of those public figures who say the words "Western civilization" all the time now should be immediately disregarded and also has a type of porn on their laptop that cannot be legally described in any known human language.

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3lzyl7yo7ak2x

Published: September 29, 2025 17:52

A bunch of theatres adding third screenings of Bad Pedophile because of sellouts. Also added a couple more cities, like New Orleans and Duluth. And since a few of you asked for a screening after Thursday because of Yom Kippur, and there's now one in…