RSS Parrot

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxpvnthews22

Published: August 31, 2025 20:14

What do you call a zombie who doesn't joke around? Dead serious.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxpqaivpyk2i

Published: August 31, 2025 18:37

After 3 months, I finally decided to report my stolen debit card. The cop asked me why I waited so long to report it, so I told him that the thief was spending less than my wife.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxppyaynsk2i

Published: August 31, 2025 18:33

A cop pulled me over and said, "Papers". I yelled, "Scissors" and drove off.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxoyus4duc2i

Published: August 31, 2025 11:39

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxovlu2z3s2u

Published: August 31, 2025 10:40

If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they are not actually interested in your opinion I know that now..

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxniwtojys24

Published: August 30, 2025 21:21

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life and the writers are just making ridiculous stuff happen to keep it interesting

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxn6l7su722b

Published: August 30, 2025 18:16

One spelling mistake can ruin your marriage. I accidentally texted my wife: “I'm having a great time. I wish you were her."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxmcc2zqqk25

Published: August 30, 2025 09:50

Who is bigger: Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby? The baby, because she's a little bigger.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxmcan3juk25

Published: August 30, 2025 09:49

I went in to a pet shop and said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxmbpverj22z

Published: August 30, 2025 09:39

I ran for the first time with my Fitbit on. It detected me running, and asked if my life was in danger, or if tacos were on sale for $1 again.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxmblxmj5c2z

Published: August 30, 2025 09:37

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxma6ggc5k2z

Published: August 30, 2025 09:12

I'd get more sleep if I wasn't trying to figure out where hamsters live other than the pet store because I have never seen one out in the wild

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxma2mvom22z

Published: August 30, 2025 09:10

If you ever get locked out of the house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxl42ehwgs2s

Published: August 29, 2025 22:25

I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts. It's called: "Leave me the fuh cologne."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxl2jlakak2s

Published: August 29, 2025 21:58

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!! (I can and will, I just need to overreact first so I can get back on track).

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxkd4glq422t

Published: August 29, 2025 14:59

My wife gave me an envelope marked, “Not to be opened until 2026.” Inside was a list of reasons why I can't be trusted to carry out simple instructions.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxjucsm2pc2d

Published: August 29, 2025 10:34

You'll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxiiozj7wc22

Published: August 28, 2025 21:34

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxiimck3es22

Published: August 28, 2025 21:32

At a Wedding Party recently someone yelled, “All married people please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death...

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxicd2ztpk22

Published: August 28, 2025 19:39

When is Al replacing us? Because I'm done, I don't wanna work anymore.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxhduj6fe22u

Published: August 28, 2025 10:34

Manager: Tell the new starter why you’ve stayed with the business for such a long time. Me: Mainly because I’m broke and have bills to pay

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxhdotx2as2u

Published: August 28, 2025 10:31

I don't understand why banks always tie up pens with strings. We trust them with our money and they can't even trust us with just one pen.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxfoumziic2p

Published: August 27, 2025 18:46

The truth of the matter is... once you hit 50, you gotta sit on the edge of the bed and warm up like an old Buick before you can get up.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxfkgwc3zs23

Published: August 27, 2025 17:27

Remember when you were little and you'd fall on the trampoline and everyone would keep jumping so you couldn't get back up? That's how adult life feels

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxfk4wf4zk23

Published: August 27, 2025 17:21

Accidentally became important at work and now my life is ruined.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxextwm6dk2r

Published: August 27, 2025 11:54

My friend is losing his mind over missing a piece of his 5000 piece puzzle. If he thinks thats bad, I'm missing 4999 pieces.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxeq6lchxk2i

Published: August 27, 2025 09:37

My wife had a dream that I have a secret wife named Lizzy. Now when she gets mad at me I say, “Lizzy wouldn’t get mad at that.”

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxepqxyfbc2i

Published: August 27, 2025 09:29

At 20: I worried about what everyone thought of me. At 40: I stopped caring what everyone thought of me. At 50+: I realized... nobody was thinking about me in the first place.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxdgn7xb222b

Published: August 26, 2025 21:13

The doctor said my sugar was too high. When I got home, I moved it to a lower shelf; it's much more accessible now.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxcs3mngec23

Published: August 26, 2025 15:06

I might have a slight drinking problem... My wife asked me to toast some bread for him. I raised my wine glass and said, "Here's to bread."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxcrgsppa223

Published: August 26, 2025 14:54

I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxcqzgcfxk23

Published: August 26, 2025 14:47

Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxbzpumpbc2z

Published: August 26, 2025 07:50

I recently joined a nudist colony. The first few days were the hardest.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lxaolaypps2y

Published: August 25, 2025 18:58

And to my children….I leave my collection of grocery bags that I store inside of a grocery bag.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx7q775yps2x

Published: August 25, 2025 09:54

Proud to say my wife really spoils me. I married her for her personality, and she has thrown in 5 more for free. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I get to experience them all in one day.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx7imwopmc2x

Published: August 25, 2025 07:38

If you spell "Absolutely Nothing" backwards you get "Gnihton Yletulosba", which means absolutely nothing

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx6fmxidrc2c

Published: August 24, 2025 21:12

If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx6fiol6is2c

Published: August 24, 2025 21:10

Why is it so much easier to accidentally fall asleep on the couch than to purposely fall asleep in bed?

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx6clbcjsk2c

Published: August 24, 2025 20:17

When you're grown, nobody asks about your favorite dinosaur anymore. They don't even care

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx5vxvsubk2c

Published: August 24, 2025 16:32

Just had a police man knock my door saying he was looking for a man with one eye... I told him to use both as he'd probably find him alot quicker.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx5jd5w54c2c

Published: August 24, 2025 12:46

A buddy of mine named his dog "Five Miles" so he could tell people he regularly walked five miles. But today, he ran over Five Miles.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx4zbnrhjs2c

Published: August 24, 2025 07:58

So I was in a shoe shop this morning trying on a shoe, I said to the assistant "It's too tight". She said "Try it with the tongue out" I said "It'th nho ghood, itth thill thoo thight".

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx4yfhztnk2c

Published: August 24, 2025 07:43

Just caught my pecker in my zipper. Darn, it really hurts. No more zip up boots for me.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx3wywhyjk22

Published: August 23, 2025 21:45

They say 'the machines of the future' will be as smart as people... OK, but WHICH people? Because it kinda matters quite a bit.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx3wuzzf6222

Published: August 23, 2025 21:43

I once got sent out of class at school for being too sarcastic. The teacher yelled at me, "what would your parents say if I called them?!" I replied “…hello?"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx3statwic2k

Published: August 23, 2025 20:30

I'm either at work, heading to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lx3rk6rvvk2k

Published: August 23, 2025 20:07

I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite color is

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lwz37gvcck2y

Published: August 22, 2025 18:22

I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lwyzjq7udk2y

Published: August 22, 2025 17:52

Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. But in mediaeval times people were called lance a lot.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lwyzfy6tas2y

Published: August 22, 2025 17:50

My wife texted me, "Your great", and I replied, “No, you're great". She's been really happy and smiling at me all weekend. I just corrected her grammar. Don't need to be so excited.