RSS Parrot

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lowbv7tdpc2s

Published: May 11, 2025 20:22

Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house. It worked! The more vodka I drank the cleaner the house looked!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3low7sesghs2y

Published: May 11, 2025 19:45

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my wife has been so rude to me. She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3low3biyh6k2f

Published: May 11, 2025 18:24

If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley. That way he could introduce himself, I'm Harley, David's son.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lovqekeh5s26

Published: May 11, 2025 15:09

My toxic trait is telling people l'm down for anything when in reality I mean not after 8 pm, food should be involved, and it also depends on the weather, the parking situation, and how tired I am

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lovhk5x54k26

Published: May 11, 2025 12:31

I just called the paranoia hotline. A guy answered: "How the hell did you get this number?"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lov4rhr6xk26

Published: May 11, 2025 09:18

A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lotstpp6nc2c

Published: May 10, 2025 20:48

It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub, and it's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lotrdpnfqk2c

Published: May 10, 2025 20:21

A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lotraee7gs2c

Published: May 10, 2025 20:19

I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loslnpj4222j

Published: May 10, 2025 09:06

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lorf35q35c2t

Published: May 9, 2025 21:36

Shoutout to everyone who can still remember their childhood phone number, but cannot remember their password they created yesterday. You are my people!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loreiozjck2t

Published: May 9, 2025 21:26

I can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lor5myl2os2i

Published: May 9, 2025 19:23

I'm currently on a restaurant date with a female boxer. She's going for the ribs.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loqf2coszk2v

Published: May 9, 2025 12:03

My wife texted me "Your great" and I replied, “No, you're great". She's been happy and smiling at me all week.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loqccdniic2v

Published: May 9, 2025 11:14

A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray. "Is this good for wasps?" he asks the assistant. To which she replies "No, it kills them."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lopvlcfqtc2v

Published: May 9, 2025 07:26

When I say," Going to the bathroom" My dogs hear, “Family meeting! Assemble now!"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lootwrcmu227

Published: May 8, 2025 21:24

What do you call sweaty boobs? Humidititties.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lootruhmhc27

Published: May 8, 2025 21:21

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3look7pkvyk2i

Published: May 8, 2025 18:30

I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lood4wx6m22z

Published: May 8, 2025 16:23

🤣🤣

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lonrfrrcwk2z

Published: May 8, 2025 11:06

I just texted my girlfriend Ruth and told her that it's over between us. I'm Ruthless.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3long6t2jes2z

Published: May 8, 2025 07:45

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lomecwlhw22z

Published: May 7, 2025 21:39

Not to brag about my finances or anything, but... My credit card company calls me almost everyday to tell me that my balance is outstanding!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lomdqb6iqs2z

Published: May 7, 2025 21:29

I saw a man that used different cuts of steak to create portraits of people. It was a rare medium, but well done.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lolv6gbnr22b

Published: May 7, 2025 17:08

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday... said maybe they'll marry eachother. Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lolud2jwxs2b

Published: May 7, 2025 16:53

You know you're over 40 when you have “upstairs ibuprofen" and "downstairs ibuprofen".

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lolrn5sdws2s

Published: May 7, 2025 16:05

I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about the iPhone. And then Samsung.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lolrfjx6rc2s

Published: May 7, 2025 16:01

My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN, I sure am LUCKY! I mean, first I win the lottery…

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lol6ozjfvk24

Published: May 7, 2025 10:26

If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they are not actually interested in your opinion. I know that now.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lokt2c3aq224

Published: May 7, 2025 06:57

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know that?" Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lojnxtyq3c2p

Published: May 6, 2025 19:54

Here's the problem with fruit: it's inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what's the same every time? Doritos

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loijg7wkbs2g

Published: May 6, 2025 09:00

If there were a pill to cure procrastination, I would probably take it tomorrow.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loihoi3j2k2g

Published: May 6, 2025 08:29

Some people are solving world problems and I'm over here all excited because I found my missing sock inside a pair of my underwear.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lohcyhcz222x

Published: May 5, 2025 21:32

My wife was sad, so l showed her my boobs. Apparently, that doesn't work both ways.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lohcs6r7vk2x

Published: May 5, 2025 21:29

I hadn’t talked to my sons for a few days so I changed the Netflix and Amazon passwords. I heard from all 3 of them within 20 minutes.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loh6ii2l5k2i

Published: May 5, 2025 20:12

Almost all garden gnomes have red hats. It's a little-gnome fact.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loh6dqnrx22i

Published: May 5, 2025 20:09

A friend of mine named his dog '5 miles' so he could tell people he walked 5 miles. But today he ran over 5 miles.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loh5a43crk2i

Published: May 5, 2025 19:49

When I was young, I was poor. But after years of struggle... I'm no longer young.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3logq2oqu622d

Published: May 5, 2025 15:53

Over 200 years ago, two brothers announced they could fly. Turns out they were Wright.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3logkkkkld226

Published: May 5, 2025 14:15

If you can't look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lofwo3h3fk2t

Published: May 5, 2025 08:19

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loeuzljmis2t

Published: May 4, 2025 22:17

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I grabbed a pen and paper and said, “Thank God for that, what are they?”

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3loetxrpwus2t

Published: May 4, 2025 21:58

The purest love in the world is the one between grumpy dads and the pet they say they didn't want.