RSS Parrot

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lijvkcfffk27

Published: February 19, 2025 13:38

My friends love scaring the crap out of me. With friends like that, who needs enemas?

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3liijbxucyc2i

Published: February 19, 2025 00:26

My friend Miles called me and said "An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don't know what to do!" I drove all the way to his house just to find out he was a big lyre.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3liiik6pkxs2i

Published: February 19, 2025 00:13

Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos. She just really needed a shoulder to crayon.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lihcbbgr7c25

Published: February 18, 2025 12:48

Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn. That should make the cremation a little more interesting.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3ligzcz4sys25

Published: February 18, 2025 10:08

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it fit!!! So proud of myself. It was a pair of socks, But still. Let's be positive here.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lifplslu7c2m

Published: February 17, 2025 21:41

So my rum and raisin cake is gluten free. It's also raisin free. And cake free. OK it's just rum.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3life5x2jqk2m

Published: February 17, 2025 18:17

Breaking news: historians believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that once belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson said, "They're so badly chewed on the ends, we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lieugsy3a22m

Published: February 17, 2025 13:35

Once again, I've entered our town's annual Tightest Hat Competition. This year, I'm really hoping I can pull it off.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3liemvp5fkk2m

Published: February 17, 2025 11:20

People say that circumcision doesn't hurt, but I disagree. I was circumcised when I was born and l couldn't walk for over a year.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lidbl7vkxk2d

Published: February 16, 2025 22:25

Worrying works! More than 90 per cent of the things I worry about never happen.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3licr7lnz7s2o

Published: February 16, 2025 17:32

I met a girl the other night at a club who said she'd show me a good time. When we got outside she ran a 40-metre dash in just 4.5 seconds.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3licbc6txzc2f

Published: February 16, 2025 12:47

My son just accused me of lying. I wouldn't mind but I don't even have any children.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3libyvivjbs2f

Published: February 16, 2025 10:17

My wife told me she thought we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic. I told her, "I think you mean fewer."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3liaylk3mpc26

Published: February 16, 2025 00:39

A lady asked me if I would help get her a job as a professional scrabble player. I put in a good word for her.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3liarq6ca5k26

Published: February 15, 2025 22:36

That's the tenth passenger today who's called me a terrible bus driver. I don't know where these people get off.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3liaebrlic22e

Published: February 15, 2025 18:35

What do we want? Racing car noises!!! When do we want them? Neeee00000000WWWWWW!!!!!!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li7rxhqehc22

Published: February 15, 2025 13:07

Mark Knopfler and Chris Rea have formed a new band. It's called Dire Rea.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li5wpz6mrs2z

Published: February 14, 2025 19:27

Archaeologists are holding a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia. It's going to be quite the shindig.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li5ootbxp22z

Published: February 14, 2025 17:04

When I become a superhero I'm going to be called "Ironic". So when there's trouble and I'm running away they'll shout, "Isn't that ironic?"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li5laealvs2z

Published: February 14, 2025 16:02

My girlfriend complains that I don't smile anymore. Well, she's the one who wanted a serious relationship!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li57znwupc2z

Published: February 14, 2025 12:41

For Valentine's Day I would have bought flowers for my girlfriend... But my wife won't let me.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li54aftm3s2o

Published: February 14, 2025 11:33

I took my 8-year-old daughter to the office on 'Take Your Kid To Work Day'. But when we walked in the office she started to cry. As concerned staff gathered round I asked her what was wrong and she said: "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you…

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li3uah6zpc2h

Published: February 13, 2025 23:38

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him ..... is he still wrong?

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li3o3dueps2p

Published: February 13, 2025 21:47

I'm so old I remember taping a penny to a record player needle just to stop it from skipping!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li3ij2zops2p

Published: February 13, 2025 20:08

Just been to the gym at work because they've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great, though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li3g6ku5622p

Published: February 13, 2025 19:26

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li3ejcrwek2p

Published: February 13, 2025 18:56

The fact that my kids never think I'm broke is very disturbing

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3li2mbplnwc27

Published: February 13, 2025 11:42

Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that? Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhzbf5kum224

Published: February 12, 2025 22:55

Just been for my prostate exam. Got the thumbs up.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhz5oiaxc224

Published: February 12, 2025 21:49

I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack. You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhypfxwglc2y

Published: February 12, 2025 17:33

Just asked my 9-year-old son what he learned in school today. He said, "apparently not enough because I have to go back tomorrow".

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhxzqtpwb225

Published: February 12, 2025 11:06

A genie granted me one wish - so I wished to be happy. Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhwpxitgic2x

Published: February 11, 2025 22:38

The Beach Boys walk into a bar. "Round?" "Round..." "Get a round?" "I'll get a round..."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhwhtgssgs2x

Published: February 11, 2025 20:12

The coffee shop had a sign that said: “No WiFi, pretend it's 1973!" So, I paid 10c for my coffee and lit a cigarette.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhw4xak7t22x

Published: February 11, 2025 16:58

A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight." The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhvv22hfqc2d

Published: February 11, 2025 14:36

My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name... So I called her Bluff...

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhvinlhw2k2n

Published: February 11, 2025 10:54

My wife said that if I don't get off the computer she'll slam my head on the keyboard. But I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4n y84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4myl t4amlathnatyn

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhu3woraec2e

Published: February 10, 2025 21:34

My buddy wants to get a nose job and asked which one I liked the most, but I didn't answer. After all...you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhtzacr3k22e

Published: February 10, 2025 20:46

My wife is sleeping in the spare bedroom because she said she has had enough of my night time Elvis impersonations. I knocked on her door at 3am and said... "Are You Lonesome Tonight?"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhtjmwddlc23

Published: February 10, 2025 16:06

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside? I have like 50 wooden balls already.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3lhtjiwo32s23

Published: February 10, 2025 16:04

Almost all garden gnomes have red hats. It's a little-gnome fact.