RSS Parrot

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4r3o7jqz22m

Published: November 3, 2025 22:40

A man ran home from work, pulled his wife into the bedroom, threw her on the bed, and pulled the blankets over them. She was shocked-he hadn't been like this for 20 years. Then her husband said: "Look! My new watch glows in the dark" 🤣

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4r3fy24j22m

Published: November 3, 2025 22:36

Told my wife our next door neighbor died. She said "Who? Ray?" I told her it was way too early to celebrate like that.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4r3cze4kc2m

Published: November 3, 2025 22:34

At this point if I get picked up by aliens I'm just gonna go ahead & consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4r36elgqs2m

Published: November 3, 2025 22:32

How am I supposed to make big decisions when I still have to sing the alphabet in my head to get the right letter?

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4qq4i4gvc2o

Published: November 3, 2025 19:14

I always see more people walk into Walmart than out of Walmart, but the meat is cheap, so I don't ask questions.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4qngqhqqs27

Published: November 3, 2025 18:26

Cars these days have too many gadgets. I tried to reverse, and it played a video of somebody getting run over by a car.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4qnbh6ddc27

Published: November 3, 2025 18:23

My wife hit me with a baguette yesterday... I told her she was going to jail for assault with a breadly weapon.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4qaeihyqk2y

Published: November 3, 2025 14:32

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfaklin m..nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4q7ajyi2s2y

Published: November 3, 2025 14:12

People tell me that my grammar stinks. That's really harsh. She's 101, bless her.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4q6ymusmc2y

Published: November 3, 2025 14:07

You know you're over 40 when you have “upstairs ibuprofen" and “downstairs ibuprofen".

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4oihvxry22a

Published: November 2, 2025 21:52

A man is suing Smart Water for not making him smart. I'd like to formally announce my lawsuit against Thin Mints.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4ogu5o67s2e

Published: November 2, 2025 21:23

(At my boss's funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin): "Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4ogo7auuk2e

Published: November 2, 2025 21:19

When my wife is depressed I let her color in my tattoos. She just wanted a shoulder to crayon.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4oenfj7422e

Published: November 2, 2025 20:43

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive? You should try swimming with sharks...cost me an arm and a leg!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4oawo336c2e

Published: November 2, 2025 19:37

When you think there's no hope left. Remember the lobsters in the tank at the Titanic's restaurant.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4m6d6h2rk24

Published: November 1, 2025 23:45

If you think some of my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4m572eohk24

Published: November 1, 2025 23:24

My neighbor introduced her cats to me: “That's Astrophe, Erpillar, Aract and Alogue". “Where on earth did you get such unusual names?” l asked. “Oh, those are their last names - “their first names are Cat."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4m3xun4c224

Published: November 1, 2025 23:02

Teacher: What's the difference between "complete" and "finished"? Student: If you marry the right person, you're complete. If you marry the wrong one, you're finished

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4m3pcbky224

Published: November 1, 2025 22:58

In Italian, the word for 'non-binary' is 'non binario' or ‘non binaria’, depending on the person's gender.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4lstvptr22n

Published: November 1, 2025 20:19

Very few people know this, but the little pocket in your jeans is for your paycheck after taxes.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4l2lnwtac2g

Published: November 1, 2025 13:05

If I were rich I would give most of my money to the poor. But instead I'm poor so I give most of my money to the rich.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4l23xzq5s23

Published: November 1, 2025 12:56

A rich Frenchman showed me his yachts. "This is Un, this is Deux, this is Trois, this is Quatre, this is Six." Me: "where's the fifth one?" "Cinq."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4jomghyic2c

Published: October 31, 2025 23:58

My dad once told me that if I put a potato in my swim trunks, I would attract more women... He forgot to tell me to put the potato in the front.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4jobxoihc2c

Published: October 31, 2025 23:52

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked: "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied: "No." She responded: "How about now?"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4jmw6sp722c

Published: October 31, 2025 23:28

At a certain point in your life, sitting at home alone watching TV on a Friday night goes from being super depressing to the most enjoyable part of your week

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4jlg7euxs2d

Published: October 31, 2025 23:01

What happens when a ghost can't pay its mortgage? Its house gets repossessed...

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4j4a5qvtk2t

Published: October 31, 2025 18:29

A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4iskie5a226

Published: October 31, 2025 15:36

I was bored so I swapped all the sweets into different wrappers. My wife isn't amused...She got her snickers in a twix.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4igtuq72k26

Published: October 31, 2025 12:06

I hate when I read read as read and not read, so I have to re-read read as read so I can read read correctly.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4ig6e3o4c26

Published: October 31, 2025 11:54

My son likes to cause a scene by going up to his loft and playing the bongos very loudly. It's a little drum attic.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4gxrfkbtc2a

Published: October 30, 2025 22:04

I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me $15.00 So I gave my suit to the charity shop next door. They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window. I bought it for $4.50!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4gxp66kq22a

Published: October 30, 2025 22:03

That awkward moment when you're running... And your boobs are bouncing all over the place. And you're a 55-year-old guy.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4gxmcma7s2a

Published: October 30, 2025 22:01

I took a long, hard look at myself this morning. I won't be doing that again.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4gxk4ce4s2a

Published: October 30, 2025 22:00

I love shopping with my wife. It's my favorite way to spend three hours looking for one thing we already have at home

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4gxaz2bws2a

Published: October 30, 2025 21:55

You can't give away a used mattress, but somehow, we'll pay $200 a night to sleep on one at a hotel!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4gx2fqots2a

Published: October 30, 2025 21:51

I accidentally used dog shampoo today. I'm feeling like such a good boy.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4gwuittcc2a

Published: October 30, 2025 21:48

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made an appointment for Tuesday.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4gtdmhfec2w

Published: October 30, 2025 20:45

In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4eong7y2c2p

Published: October 30, 2025 00:15

They say using a smaller plate will help with your diet but it took 3 of them to fit my dinner on. I'm not sure how this helps.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4eatg3y2s2w

Published: October 29, 2025 20:08

THINGS I'M NO LONGER INTERESTED IN: 1 Driving at night 2 Leaving my house at night 3 Driving in the winter 4 Leaving the house in winter 5 Driving 6 Leaving the house

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4doviloss2z

Published: October 29, 2025 14:47

I'm in search for someone to assist with milking cows on my dairy farm. Must work well with udders.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4c5ix6bhs2h

Published: October 29, 2025 00:03

Snoring is basically bragging about being asleep, so loudly, that it stops other people from sleeping. It's like lying there screaming "I'M HAVING A LOVELY SLEEP"

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4c5fwcwr22h

Published: October 29, 2025 00:02

A hacker got into my bank account and left me a note: "Please save more money, this was a complete waste of my time".

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4c2eevzes2s

Published: October 28, 2025 23:07

I get very annoyed when people mix up there, their, and they're. From now on I'm going two point it out weather they like it or not!!

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4bz5tckjs2n

Published: October 28, 2025 22:45

I recently opened a company selling trampolines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

https://bsky.app/profile/dadsaysjokes.com/post/3m4bf7pmtkk24

Published: October 28, 2025 16:49

At my last colonoscopy I had the doctor write a note to my wife stating that my head was NOT up there...