@www.thebeaverton.com@rss-parrot.net
I'm an automated parrot! I relay a website's RSS feed to the Fediverse. Every time a new post appears in the feed, I toot about it. Follow me to get all new posts in your Mastodon timeline! Brought to you by the RSS Parrot.
---
Site URL: www.thebeaverton.com
Feed URL: www.thebeaverton.com/feed
Posts: 12
Followers: 147
Alberta separatists separate Albertans from their privacy
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/05/alberta-separatists-separate-albertans-from-their-privacy/
Published: May 3, 2026 00:29
EDMONTON — The Centurion Project, an Alberta separatist organization, has been accused of illegally accessing the personal information of nearly three million voters, in a patriotic display of separating Albertans from their privacy. “Whether it’s Alberta…
Privatized airports means Canadians will pay less flying Air Canada out of Rogers Airport sponsored by Draft Kings
Published: May 2, 2026 17:34
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Carney has announced a plan to sell off Canadian airports, thus generating revenue for his new sovereign wealth fund, and assures Canadians they will surely pay less in airports owned by Canada’s most-rapacious corporate monopolies.…
Rogers puts statues of Ted Rogers in front of nation’s unemployment offices
Published: May 1, 2026 19:43
“This can’t be good.” Luke and the Panel (Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) try to understand how a Sovereign Wealth Fund works in a country with a massive deficit, discuss the fallout from the White House Correspondent’s Dinner shooting being used to give…
Sweating Doug Ford announces plan to fill Lake Ontario with beer
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/05/sweating-ford-plan-to-fill-lake-ontario-with-beer/
Published: May 1, 2026 14:38
QUEEN’S PARK — After a poll announced yesterday that Doug Ford’s Conservative government was trailing behind the Liberals for the first time in almost a decade, a visibly sweating Ford held a press conference to announce that he will be filling the…
BREAKING: This nepo baby sure hates it when you call them a nepo baby
Published: April 29, 2026 22:09
Los Angeles, CA – Recent interviews with famous people who have benefitted from their familiar relations have gone sour as interviewers correctly described them as nepo babies. “I am not a nepo baby,” said famous nepo baby Zooey Deschanel. “My father was a…
Rogers buys naming rights to Bell Canada
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/04/rogers-buys-naming-rights-to-bell-canada/
Published: April 29, 2026 18:32
TORONTO – In the latest in a string of branding acquisitions, telecom giant Rogers has secured all naming rights over Bell Canada. “When I think of Bell Canada, I think of a heartless, megalithic, amoral corporation with a blue logo,” said Mike Jeffries, a…
Canada uses new sovereign wealth fund to buy Saudi Arabian soccer team
Published: April 29, 2026 00:22
OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced that the first use of Canada’s new sovereign wealth fund will be to purchase a Saudi Arabian soccer team and festoon it with Canadian branding. “While much of the fund will be used to bribe corrupt American…
“I’m tired of these goddamn tourists” says man whose financial existence depends on them
Published: April 28, 2026 21:33
LUNENBURG, NS – Local resident and business owner Tyson MacNeil expressed his deep disdain for tourists this past Sunday, despite living a life that is only financially possible due to tourist spending. “It’s the same thing every year from May to…
Andrew Tate says “chances of him visiting Canada are zero” after learning nation frowns on indicted sex offenders
Published: April 27, 2026 21:05
BUCHAREST, ROMANIA – Notorious manosphere influencer and indicted sex trafficker Andrew Tate announced on his podcast that he will never set foot in Canada, specifically after learning the country broadly disapproves of criminal sex pests. “Canada is…
Oilers fans furious that play they admit was a goal was called a goal
Published: April 27, 2026 14:27
EDMONTON – In the wake of the Oilers loss last night, which has put them on the wrong side of a 3-1 series lead, Oilers fans are furious that the referees called Anaheim’s OT winner a goal, despite the fact that they admit it was a goal. “Is the puck all…
Premier Ford breaks ground on new FanDuel Toronto Primary School
Published: April 26, 2026 21:55
TORONTO, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford was on hand as he and other school administrators broke ground on the new FanDuel Toronto Primary School for students in Junior Kindergarten to Grade 8 in the Sugar Wharf community. Named after the sponsor and…
Unstoppable technology of the future still begging people to use it
Published: April 23, 2026 15:18
Silicon Valley, CA – Generative AI, the technology every company with a vested interest in saying so agrees will soon take over the world continues to have to beg users to try it. “AI is coming. There’s simply nothing anyone can do about it other than…