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Site URL: www.thebeaverton.com
Feed URL: www.thebeaverton.com/feed
Posts: 11
Followers: 145
Andrew Tate says “chances of him visiting Canada are zero” after learning nation frowns on indicted sex offenders
Published: April 27, 2026 21:05
BUCHAREST, ROMANIA – Notorious manosphere influencer and indicted sex trafficker Andrew Tate announced on his podcast that he will never set foot in Canada, specifically after learning the country broadly disapproves of criminal sex pests. “Canada is…
Oilers fans furious that play they admit was a goal was called a goal
Published: April 27, 2026 14:27
EDMONTON – In the wake of the Oilers loss last night, which has put them on the wrong side of a 3-1 series lead, Oilers fans are furious that the referees called Anaheim’s OT winner a goal, despite the fact that they admit it was a goal. “Is the puck all…
Premier Ford breaks ground on new FanDuel Toronto Primary School
Published: April 26, 2026 21:55
TORONTO, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford was on hand as he and other school administrators broke ground on the new FanDuel Toronto Primary School for students in Junior Kindergarten to Grade 8 in the Sugar Wharf community. Named after the sponsor and…
Unstoppable technology of the future still begging people to use it
Published: April 23, 2026 15:18
Silicon Valley, CA – Generative AI, the technology every company with a vested interest in saying so agrees will soon take over the world continues to have to beg users to try it. “AI is coming. There’s simply nothing anyone can do about it other than…
Alberta announces move to 1950s time
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/04/alberta-announces-move-to-1950s-time/
Published: April 21, 2026 16:34
EDMONTON — After weeks of speculation, Alberta’s United Conservative government has announced that the province will be moving to the 1950s on a full-time basis. “Many Albertans just aren’t comfortable with the current times,” a UCP spokeswoman said. “The…
The Beaverton will buy Doug Ford’s used private jet for $7,000.00
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/04/the-beaverton-will-buy-doug-fords-used-private-jet-for-7000-00/
Published: April 20, 2026 15:21
TORONTO – In a special offer The Beaverton has graciously offered to let Doug Ford escape from his embarrassing ‘I bought myself a private jet with taxpayer money’ scandal this afternoon, by selling us the jet for $7,000.00 “Look, everyone knows a private…
Financial planner operating on strange assumption Gen Z client will have society to retire into
Published: April 19, 2026 23:46
STRATFORD, ON ― Local financial planner George Fitzgerald had his first meeting yesterday with a new client, nineteen-year-old Ahmed Hassan, during which he repeatedly assumed the unorthodox premise that there would still be retirement homes, grocery…
Trump announces final Kennedy Centre show will be to host AVN Awards
Published: April 18, 2026 17:02
WASHINGTON D.C. – In his efforts to remake the U.S. national centre for the performing arts in his own image, President Donald Trump has revealed that the Kennedy Center’s final production before closing for renovations will be to act as the venue for this…
Humble Premier buys private jet second-hand
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/04/humble-premier-buys-private-jet-second-hand/
Published: April 17, 2026 20:19
QUEEN’S PARK – Salt-of-the-earth Ontarian Premier Doug Ford acknowledged that the province had made the ultimate sacrifice of getting him a used private jet for the discounted price of just $28.9 million. The province considered several options for this…
Liberal tent now encompasses any political beliefs anyone has ever, or will ever, have
Published: April 17, 2026 16:10
“If you have ever thought anything about anything, you have a place in the Liberal Party.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) talk about the Liberals’ by-election victories, Carney obtaining near total power, and Trump’s…
Local man sent for psych evaluation after saying he enjoys sports without gambling
Published: April 16, 2026 20:17
WINNIPEG – Local crisis workers have sent 32-year-old Ronald Alexander to Victoria General Hospital for psychological tests following disturbing reports that he has “never put money down on a single sporting event” and how he, more concerningly, “likes to…