@www.thebeaverton.com@rss-parrot.net
I'm an automated parrot! I relay a website's RSS feed to the Fediverse. Every time a new post appears in the feed, I toot about it. Follow me to get all new posts in your Mastodon timeline! Brought to you by the RSS Parrot.
---
Site URL: www.thebeaverton.com
Feed URL: www.thebeaverton.com/feed
Posts: 22
Followers: 66
“Eh, fuck it”: Montreal F1 driver takes an Uber
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2025/06/eh-fuck-it-montreal-f1-driver-takes-an-uber/
Published: June 14, 2025 18:44
MONTREAL, QUEBEC – The annual Montreal Grand Prix has arrived, but one championship-winning Formula One driver decided to forego the traditional lavish displays of the competition and entered the race in a 2005 Honda Civic driven by Craig Sanders, his Uber…
A Father’s Day gift he’ll never forget: 7 grams of shrooms
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2025/06/a-fathers-day-gift-hell-never-forget-7-grams-of-shrooms/
Published: June 14, 2025 15:49
HAMILTON, ON – In a growing trend, some Canadian dads won’t be receiving a traditional Father’s Day gift this year. Instead of tools, flannel, or mid-tier barbecue accessories, they’ll be getting their minds blown—on 7 grams of magic mushrooms. With…
McGill says it’s cool if Harvard crashes on their couch until things calm down at home
Published: June 12, 2025 18:26
MONTREAL – McGill University has proposed a temporary living arrangement to Harvard University, allowing the US school to crash on McGill’s couch until such time as things are less crazy at home. Insiders say that the Ivy League University has been “beyond…
Carney invites The Mayor from Jaws to G7
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2025/06/carney-invites-the-mayor-from-jaws-to-g7/
Published: June 12, 2025 14:38
“Our trade partnership Amity Island is simply too important.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Ian MacIntyre and Clare Blackwood) talk about the ICE protests and Donald Trump turning to page 1 in the dictator playbook, Mark Carney’s popularity with…
Federal government opens distress hotline for Canadians forced to cheer for Oilers
Published: June 11, 2025 21:13
OTTAWA – A new federal mental health initiative has seen the opening of a 24/7 distress hotline that will provide emergency support for Canadians who have been forced to cheer for the Oilers in the Stanley Cup Finals. “Every year, Canadians dread the…
Minister of International Trade says Canada should apply for EU membership: “Canada is only 19km from France.”
Published: June 11, 2025 17:51
OTTAWA – Minister of International Trade Maninder Sidhu has said Canada should pursue European Union membership as part of the government’s plan to diversify trade away from the United States. When asked by reporters about the logistics of Canada joining…
Carney invites Mohammed bin Salman to G7, warns Air Canada will make him check bone saw
Published: June 10, 2025 16:29
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has invited Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman to this summer’s G7 summit in Kananaskis, Alberta, but warned the autocratic monarch that Air Canada will no longer allow him to stow his famous bone saw in the…
Inventive refs develop new way to help Panthers win beyond the favourable whistle
Published: June 10, 2025 14:18
Sunrise, FL – In a landmark win for referee science, the team of Wes McCauley and Francis Charron have come up with a new way to help the Panthers win: physically blocking Oilers players in order to cause a turnover that led to a game swinging goal. “For…
Carney fights off harsh U.S. authoritarianism with slightly gentler Canadian authoritarianism
Published: June 9, 2025 22:34
OTTAWA — As Americans face the horror of U.S. troops being deployed to American cities on the orders of President Donald Trump to break up peaceful protests, the Canadian government under Prime Minister Mark Carney is looking southward and firmly saying…
Pickleball popularity slips with gay seniors “The whole name is misleading”
Published: June 9, 2025 13:52
PORT COLBORNE, ON — Large numbers of gay seniors initially drawn to popular racquet sport pickleball are abandoning the game after realizing it has nothing to do with male genitalia. “We may be gay, but we’re still boomers,” shared Don Stevenson, a…
Trump reminds Americans he only promised not to start foreign wars
Published: June 9, 2025 00:18
LOS ANGELES – As National Guard troops took to the streets ready to open fire on U.S. citizens in the name of “Making America Great Again”, President Trump reminded all Americans that he only stands against starting wars on foreign soil. “During my decade…
Carney limits G7 guests to one assassination each
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2025/06/carney-limits-g7-guests-to-one-assassination-each/
Published: June 6, 2025 21:06
OTTAWA – After inviting Indian PM Narendra Modi Prime Minister Mark Carney issued strict rules for the upcoming G7 meeting in Kananaskis, Alberta, limiting assassinations to one per guest nation. “The Prime Minister understands it’s not fair if only one…
Trump, Musk publicly feud over whose father loved them less
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2025/06/trump-musk-publicly-feud-over-whose-father-loved-them-less/
Published: June 6, 2025 00:07
WASHINGTON D.C. – US President Donald Trump has spent the day publicly feuding with former billionaire ally Elon Musk, as the two each insisted that they were shown less affection and attention from his cold, distant father. Following weeks of…
Oil Pipelines getting sick of Danielle Smith talking about them all the time
Published: June 5, 2025 15:17
“We get it lady. Find someone else to talk about 24 hours a day.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Megan MacKay and Clare Blackwood) recap the “best first ministers meeting in 10 years” according to a premier who has been in power for 7, examine Danielle…
Nova Scotia Power encourages customers to leak own personal information during service outages
Published: June 4, 2025 21:03
HALIFAX – After the private information of more than 280,000 Nova Scotia Power customers was stolen and published online, Nova Scotia Power and parent company Emera are reminding customers to make sure they are leaking their own personal information during…
Premiers united in belief that the best way to stand up to Trump is doing what they’ve always wanted to do anyways
Published: June 2, 2025 17:35
SASKATOON – As they gather with PM Mark Carney for the meeting of First Ministers, the Premiers of Canada’s provinces are steadfast in their belief that the best way to oppose Donald Trump’s tariffs and attacks on our sovereignty is to do the things…
Hockey players shake hands, say there are no hard feelings about the permanent brain damage
Published: May 31, 2025 18:54
MIAMI, FLORIDA – After an intensely violent hockey match, the Florida Panthers have formed a line to shake hands and assure their opponents, the Carolina Hurricanes, that they feel no resentment after hours spent roughhousing, fighting, and bashing each…
Shadowy interests plotting to dismantle education just going to let students use ChatGPT instead
Published: May 31, 2025 15:37
ZÜRICH – The clandestine organization of evil billionaires who have worked for decades to undermine the world’s education systems, thus making the populace easier to control, have recently decided that simply letting students use ChatGPT will work much…
Convoluted new UEFA Champions League structure forces PSG to play themselves in the final
Published: May 31, 2025 14:01
MUNICH – French soccer champions Paris Saint-Germain were told by UEFA that, having accidentally eliminated all other clubs by a bookkeeping error in their complicated new tournament system, the federation now required them to play against themselves in…
Quebec passes bill requiring immigrants to not be different
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2025/05/quebec-passes-bill-requiring-immigrants-to-not-be-different/
Published: May 30, 2025 19:00
QUEBEC CITY – Following a recent bill requiring immigrants to adopt shared values, Quebec has also advanced new legislation requiring immigrants to not be any different than people already living in Quebec. In a bold move to remind the world that the USA…
Canada Post counters union negotiations, asking workers to split the bill on billion dollar deficit
Published: May 30, 2025 18:26
OTTAWA – Negotiators for the Canadian Union of Postal Workers were reportedly speechless following the latest proposal from Canada Post: that all employees kick in to help cover last year’s $1.3-billion deficit. “We think it’s only fair that everyone…
Ads playing on gas pumps now leading cause of hearing loss
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2025/05/ads-playing-on-gas-pumps-now-leading-cause-of-hearing-loss/
Published: May 29, 2025 18:18
OTTAWA – Health Canada released a new hearing safety report today, highlighting a new top cause of hearing loss across the nation: advertisements playing on a new generation of gas pumps equipped with high-powered, military grade mega-speakers. The report…