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The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

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Site URL: theonion.com

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Posts: 32

Followers: 4

Meta To End Fact-Checking

https://theonion.com/meta-to-end-fact-checking/

Published: January 9, 2025 20:19

Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced the company is abandoning the use of independent fact checkers, replacing them with X-style “community notes” where commenting on the accuracy of posts is left to users. What do you think? The post Meta To End


Jealous Trump Throws Own State Funeral To Upstage Carter’s

https://theonion.com/jealous-trump-throws-own-state-funeral-to-upstage-carters/

Published: January 9, 2025 20:03

WASHINGTON—Peeking out of his coffin with one eye open, a jealous President-elect Donald Trump reportedly threw his own state funeral Thursday in an effort to upstage the late Jimmy Carter’s ceremony. “I’m way deader than he is,” mumbled Trump, who lay at


Gavin Newsom Spotted Dining At Smoldering Remains Of Nobu

https://theonion.com/gavin-newsom-spotted-dining-at-smoldering-remains-of-nobu/

Published: January 9, 2025 19:55

LOS ANGELES—Admitting that he regretted his actions given the devastation wrought by wildfires through much of the Los Angeles area, California Gov. Gavin Newsom apologized Thursday after he was spotted dining at the smoldering remains of Nobu. “Despite


The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Justin Trudeau

https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-justin-trudeau/

Published: January 9, 2025 17:20

After nearly a decade as prime minister, Justin Trudeau announced his resignation this week. The Onion sat down with the outgoing Canadian leader to discuss the highs and lows of his tenure.  The Onion: What prompted the timing of your resignation?


Child’s AI-Generated Russian Videos Ruining YouTube Recommendations For Father’s AI-Generated Russian Videos

https://theonion.com/childs-ai-generated-russian-videos-ruining-youtube-recommendations-for-fathers-ai-generated-russian-videos/

Published: January 9, 2025 13:00

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Noting with frustration that the 4-year-old’s viewing habits had likely destroyed his YouTube account forever, local man James Ratliff told reporters Monday that the AI-generated Russian videos his son had been watching were ruining his own


U.S. Healthcare System By The Numbers

https://theonion.com/u-s-healthcare-system-by-the-numbers/

Published: January 8, 2025 15:17

Compared to similar high-income nations, Americans spend twice as much on healthcare, yet have lower life expectancies and higher infant mortality rates. The Onion looks at the key facts and figures behind the U.S. healthcare system.  39%: Americans in


New York City Implements Congestion Pricing

https://theonion.com/new-york-city-implements-congestion-pricing/

Published: January 8, 2025 15:15

Congestion pricing is now in effect in New York City after months of delays and legal challenges, with many curious how traffic will change throughout the day, if at all. What do you think? The post New York City Implements Congestion Pricing appeared


Woman Struggles To Put Down Bags While Holding Coffee Like Dog Trying To Fit Stick Through Door

https://theonion.com/woman-struggles-to-put-down-bags-while-holding-coffee-like-dog-trying-to-fit-stick-through-door/

Published: January 8, 2025 15:14

CHICAGO—Cocking her head in confusion as she sought to determine if what she was attempting to do was even possible, area woman Sandra Brackett reportedly struggled to put down her bags Wednesday while still holding onto her coffee like a dog trying to fit


NBA Team Physicians Admit They Only Know Medical Stuff About Legs

https://theonion.com/nba-team-physicians-admit-they-only-know-medical-stuff-about-legs/

Published: January 8, 2025 15:10

NEW YORK—Addressing reporters during the league’s annual sports medicine consortium, NBA team physicians admitted Wednesday that the medical stuff they know is almost entirely limited to the legs. “To be completely honest, we mostly just have expertise on


Justin Trudeau Resigns

https://theonion.com/justin-trudeau-resigns/

Published: January 7, 2025 19:42

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau resigned as polls indicated that his Liberal Party was set to be trounced by the opposition Conservative Party in the upcoming election. What do you think? The post Justin Trudeau Resigns appeared first on The Onion.

Cooper Flagg Out 2 Weeks Due To Family Trip To Hilton Head

https://theonion.com/cooper-flagg-out-2-weeks-due-to-family-trip-to-hilton-head/

Published: January 7, 2025 19:41

DURHAM, NC—Shrugging as he issued a half-hearted apology for his absence, Duke freshman basketball player Cooper Flagg confirmed Tuesday he would be out for two weeks due to a family trip to Hilton Head Island. “I really want to be there for all my Duke


Japanese Fishermen Catch 600-Pound Can Of Tuna

https://theonion.com/japanese-fishermen-catch-600-pound-can-of-tuna/

Published: January 7, 2025 16:20

TOKYO—Working for nearly eight hours to bring the record-setting catch aboard, a group of Japanese fishermen reportedly reeled in a 600-pound can of tuna Tuesday that was later auctioned off at a local fish market. “From the moment I felt the lip of the


Kohler Recalls 30,000 Bathtubs Shipped With Nude Man Already Inside

https://theonion.com/kohler-recalls-30000-bathtubs-shipped-with-nude-man-already-inside/

Published: January 7, 2025 13:00

KOHLER, WI—To address a situation the plumbing-fixture company described as embarrassing for everyone involved, Kohler issued a recall Tuesday of 30,000 bathtubs it had shipped with a nude man already inside. “Due to a mix-up at our manufacturing plant,


Report: No, Really, TSA To Require Real ID This Year

https://theonion.com/report-no-really-tsa-to-require-real-id-this-year-sub-they-mean-it/

Published: January 6, 2025 20:30

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that Americans need to get their travel documents updated because the agency wasn’t messing around anymore, the TSA officials confirmed Monday that, no, really, they’re going to require Real ID this year. “As of May 7th, TSA


LeBron Pressures Bronny To Have Grandchildren Before He’s Too Old To Play With Them In NBA

https://theonion.com/lebron-pressures-bronny-to-have-grandchildren-before-hes-too-old-to-play-with-them-in-nba/

Published: January 6, 2025 19:54

LOS ANGELES—Reminding his son that he won’t be on the roster forever, Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James reportedly began pressuring Bronny to have grandchildren before he’s too old to play with them in the NBA, sources confirmed Monday. “You know, son,


Strength Training: Myth Vs. Fact

https://theonion.com/strength-training-myth-vs-fact/

Published: January 6, 2025 13:41

With the start of a new year, millions of Americans are honing in on their fitness goals and returning to the gym, including the weight room floor. The Onion dispels the common myths many people have about strength training.  MYTH: Training with free


Report: Terrible Thing That Just Popped Into Your Head Would Make Loved Ones Turn On You Immediately

https://theonion.com/report-terrible-thing-that-just-popped-into-your-head-would-make-loved-ones-turn-on-you-immediately/

Published: January 6, 2025 13:35

NEW YORK—According to a report released Friday by experts who know all about what has been happening in your mind for the past few seconds, the terrible thing that just popped into your head would make your loved ones turn on you immediately. “Everyone you


Ecologists Call For Bee Extinction After Watching ‘My Girl’

https://theonion.com/ecologists-call-for-bee-extinction-after-watching-my-girl/

Published: January 6, 2025 13:33

STANFORD, CA—In response to seeing what the pollinators were capable of in the 1991 coming-of-age drama, ecologists at Stanford University issued a statement Monday calling for the extinction of bees after they watched My Girl. “Upon observing the


Man Sues Lottery After Losing Winning Ticket

https://theonion.com/man-sues-lottery-after-losing-winning-ticket/

Published: January 6, 2025 13:00

A man is suing the California Lottery alleging that he has not received part of his winnings from a nearly $400 million Mega Millions jackpot after he located one of his winning tickets but not the other. What do you think? The post Man Sues Lottery After


Labor Board Classifies ‘Love Is Blind’ Contestants As Employees

https://theonion.com/labor-board-classifies-love-is-blind-contestants-as-employees/

Published: January 4, 2025 13:00

The National Labor Relations Board issued a complaint against the hit reality show Love Is Blind in which it classified the show’s contestants as employees, opening a case that could have ripple effects across the reality television industry. What do you


The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With TimothĂ©e Chalamet

https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-timothee-chalamet/

Published: January 3, 2025 21:28

Timothée Chalamet stars as Bob Dylan in the new biopic A Complete Unknown, based on the book Dylan Goes Electric. The Onion sat down with Chalamet to discuss the film. The Onion: What about playing Bob Dylan most intrigued you? Chalamet: I was definitely


Breaking: You Forget Yourself, Viscount!

https://theonion.com/breaking-you-forget-yourself-viscount/

Published: January 3, 2025 18:25

CHÂTEAU DE CHAMBORD—Asserting that such uncouth behavior brings shame upon the glorious lineage of a court that can be traced back 12 generations, a breaking report released Friday stated that you forget yourself with such impropriety, viscount! According


Study: Few Bursts Of Vigorous Movement May Cut Women’s Heart Risks

https://theonion.com/study-few-bursts-of-vigorous-movement-may-cut-womens-heart-risks/

Published: January 3, 2025 13:00

A study published in the British Journal Of Sports Medicine found that short bursts of movement throughout the day, no matter how small, can help the heart, especially for women. What do you think? The post Study: Few Bursts Of Vigorous Movement May Cut


Man Injured Protecting Wife From Polar Bear

https://theonion.com/man-injured-protecting-wife-from-polar-bear/

Published: January 2, 2025 20:21

A man has sustained serious injuries after rescuing his wife who was ambushed by a polar bear in an early morning attack, leaping on to the animal to prevent an attack after the woman slipped to the ground. What do you think? The post Man Injured


Tips For Picking Out Running Shoes

https://theonion.com/tips-for-picking-out-running-shoes/

Published: January 2, 2025 15:13

With the start of a new year, many Americans will be engaging in new fitness routines, with jogging being among the most popular. Here are tips for finding the selecting running shoes. Decide the level of cushioning based on if you’re a back runner, side


Man Decides Eating Lunch Without Headphones On Counts As Meditating

https://theonion.com/man-decides-eating-lunch-without-headphones-on-counts-as-meditating/

Published: January 2, 2025 15:10

CHARLESTON, SC—Remarking that the unexpected moment of solitude was “good enough for him,” local man Alan Stambaugh told reporters Thursday that eating lunch without headphones counted as mediating. “In terms of practicing mindfulness, accidentally leaving