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Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
Site URL: www.mcsweeneys.net/
Feed URL: www.mcsweeneys.net/rss
Posts: 17
Followers: 2
If My Bluetooth Could Talk
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/if-my-bluetooth-could-talk
Published: November 18, 2025 13:00
ME: Bluetooth, are you connected to something right now? BLUETOOTH: Yes! All connections made. ME: What’s connected? BLUETOOTH: Let me do a system check. WIFE (from kitchen): IS THAT PORNOGRAPHY? WHY IS THE BEATS PILL MOANING? BLUETOOTH: Systems check…
Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: October 2025: Atrocities 467-529
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/october-2025-atrocities-467-529
Published: November 17, 2025 18:15
Early in President Trump’s first term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We called this list a collection of Trump’s cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes, and it felt urgent…
I Like to Almost Kill People by Driving Past Them at 125 mph in My Modified Honda Accord
Published: November 17, 2025 13:01
Everyone’s got their thing. For some, it’s baking. Others, gardening. Me? I like to take a modified Honda Accord, drive over 100 mph, and swerve between cars, almost killing entire families, babies, men, women, whoever. That’s my thing. Gets my balls…
Carmen Sandiego’s Flight to [REDACTED] Gets Grounded Due to Air Traffic Reductions
Published: November 14, 2025 18:02
4:50 a.m. — Carmen arrives at the airport for her 6:15 a.m. flight. 4:53 a.m. — Carmen heads to security early, because she doesn’t have TSA PreCheck, CLEAR, or the subscription service where a man in a suit carries you, piggyback, to the front of the…
Excerpts from The Believer: A Microinterview with Kevin Young
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/a-microinterview-with-kevin-young
Published: November 14, 2025 14:03
PART I THE BELIEVER: You’ve been in the poetry and publishing worlds for some thirty years now. What changes have you seen in that time? KEVIN YOUNG: I think poetry itself has broadened and deepened. What I see, having edited The New Yorker anthology, is…
With America on My Last Fucking Nerve, I, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, Dissent
Published: November 14, 2025 13:00
You know me as the first Black woman to serve on the Supreme Court. Over the past three years, I’ve tried changing the system from within. I’ve written increasingly urgent court opinions. I’ve even deployed symbolism. For President Trump’s second…
When It Happens
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/when-it-happens
Published: November 13, 2025 18:00
It’s been so long, you sometimes forget that eventually, IT will HAPPEN. It’s impossible to say when IT will HAPPEN. But it can’t be too long until IT HAPPENS. Looking at the data (age, high-stress job, cardiac history), it is statistically plausible that…
Reviews of New Food: LesserEvil Watermelon Hibiscus Popcorn
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/lesserevil-watermelon-hibiscus-popcorn
Published: November 13, 2025 14:00
The time? High summer. The place? Binghamton, New York. My husband and I were there for a two-week stint, and though we weren’t native to the place, we were growing restless. Our Airbnb seemed haunted, with its framed photos of people that looked like…
Keep Health Care Between Me, the Internet, and My Friend Who Is a Nurse
Published: November 13, 2025 13:01
Senators, please get OUT of my uterus so my friend Brynn, who is almost finished with nursing school, can get in there STAT. My body doesn’t need to produce a child just because it can. Focus on other ways to ruin the country, and let Brynn and the…
I Work For an Evil Company, but Outside Work, I’m Actually a Really Good Person
Published: November 12, 2025 18:00
I love my job. I make a great salary, there’s a clear path to promotion, and a never-ending supply of cold brew in the office. And even though my job requires me to commit sociopathic acts of evil that directly contribute to making the world a measurably…
FAQ About Our New 100-Year Mortgage Loan
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/faq-about-our-new-100-year-mortgage-loan
Published: November 12, 2025 13:00
“Trump introduced a new idea to tackle home affordability: a 50-year mortgage loan. Federal Housing Finance Agency Director Bill Pulte called the proposal “a complete game changer.” … but many housing experts warn the plan could backfire, raising the cost…
Great News: We Got Them to Agree to Their Own Deal
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/great-news-we-got-them-to-agree-to-their-own-deal
Published: November 11, 2025 18:00
“Eight senators in the Democratic caucus broke with the party late Sunday to vote with Republicans and advance legislation to end the government shutdown.” — New York Times - - -Great news, everybody: We finally got them to agree to the deal they wanted in…
My Whimsical, Millennial, Meme-Addled Youth Did Not Set Me Up for Success in the New American Dystopia
Published: November 11, 2025 13:00
DAY 1 The secret police appear at my door and drag me from my apartment. “What about my desert island discs?” I shout, thinking this will get a laugh. A rag soaked in ether is stuffed in my mouth, and a baton hits me in the back of the head, hard. DAY 1…
We’ve Defied President Nyarlathotep’s Psychic Siege Long Enough
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/weve-defied-president-nyarlathoteps-psychic-siege-long-enough
Published: November 11, 2025 00:45
“less than a week after voters loudly repudiated Trump, how are Senate Democrats—including minority leader Chuck Schumer—responding? By negotiating a shutdown deal with Republicans that will give Trump almost everything he wants, entrench the GOP’s…
We Regret to Inform You That Your Middle School Diary Has Lapsed into the Public Domain
Published: November 10, 2025 18:00
This letter is to inform you (the author) that your intellectual property (middle school diary) has officially entered the public domain due to your failure to secure a copyright for these works. What does this mean for you? Essentially, the materials you…
Oxymorons for 2025
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/oxymorons-for-2025
Published: November 10, 2025 12:59
Deafening Silence Exact Estimate Working Democracy Slow Newsweek Mild Headache Fair Election Impartial Judge Justice Department Separation of Powers Moral Republicans Unified Democrats Peaceful Sleep Climate Optimism Affordable Healthcare World Peace…
Our School District Can Now Keep Track of Your Child with Just Three Terrible Apps
Published: November 7, 2025 18:01
Other than lawsuits, losing track of a child is every school district’s worst nightmare. We haven’t lost anyone yet, but an EdTech company has painted a compelling picture of this as a possible future problem that can be pre-solved with EdTech. Therefore,…