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Timothy McSweeneyās Internet Tendency
Site URL: www.mcsweeneys.net/
Feed URL: www.mcsweeneys.net/rss
Posts: 19
Followers: 3
Excerpts from The Believer: Resurrector: āLike a G6ā
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/resurrector-like-a-g6
Published: April 18, 2025 13:00
āI like to imagine that āLike a G6ā is what they play in the seventh ascension of the Galaxy Brain, a tesseract where linear time ceases to exist and the past and future become one.ā - - -A rotating guest column in which writers reexamine criticallyā¦
Aw, Hell, We Left Big Gert in Space
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/aw-hell-we-left-big-gert-in-space
Published: April 18, 2025 12:00
āThe Blue Origin flight showcased the utter defeat of American feminism.ā ā Moira Donegan, The Guardian. - - -Jeff, my man. Itās Dave. How the hell are you? Oh, fine, fine. Wifeās good, kids are good. Great. Listen, uhāwe got a situation. We forgot one.ā¦
1925 or 2025?
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/1925-or-2025
Published: April 17, 2025 17:20
1. Thereās an innovative American automotive manufacturer being run by a total bigot. 2. In large swaths of the country, a marginalized community is banned from using certain bathrooms for no other reason than to make their lives miserable. 3. Marijuana isā¦
Iām the Zipper on Your Preschoolerās Hand-Me-Down Jacket, and Iām Gonna Destroy Your Morning
Published: April 17, 2025 12:00
You thought this morning was going well, didnāt you? You even got your kid to put on their shoes without a ten-minute existential crisis about sock seams. You were this close to making it out the door unscathed. But you forgot one thing. Me. I am theā¦
Additional Recession Indicators
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/additional-recession-indicators
Published: April 16, 2025 23:30
Everyone looks to the stock market to figure out if weāre heading into a recession. Sure, it has some infoāfor example, the market right now would tell us we definitely areābut thatās not the only recession warning sign we should be on the lookout for. Ifā¦
The Ten Commandments, Annotated for Use in Your AI-Enhanced Classroom
Published: April 16, 2025 17:00
Dear Educator, As you are aware, your state legislature has mandated that the Ten Commandments be displayed in all publicly funded classrooms. Those funds are, of course, inadequate to equip and compensate you and your colleagues, thanks in part to yourā¦
Taxi Driver If Travis Bickle Really Got into Birdwatching
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/taxi-driver-if-travis-bickle-really-got-into-birdwatching
Published: April 16, 2025 12:00
Iām watching birds at all hours now. I can see thirty, fifty birds a week, sometimes even more if I donāt put it all in my journal. All the animals come out in the morning: blue jays, warblers, northern cardinals, hawks, sparrows, ruddy ducks. Someday, aā¦
Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trumpās Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
Published: April 15, 2025 17:09
Early in President Trumpās first term, McSweeneyās editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We called this list a collection of Trumpās cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes, and it felt urgentā¦
Would You Like Us to Spend Your Tax Dollars on Meals on Wheels or a Billionaireās Yacht?
Published: April 15, 2025 12:00
Please take a few moments to let us know how youād like your tax dollars spent by the Trump administration. 1. Itās important to me that my money supportsā¦ a) public television b) national parks c) irrigation for the Mar-a-Lago golf course 2. In this eraā¦
This Applebeeās Goes Hard
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/this-applebees-goes-hard
Published: April 14, 2025 17:40
People think of Applebeeās as a safe suburban fixture, a place where people go for an innocuous meal at a reasonable priceābut strap in, jagoff, because this Applebeeās is not like other Applebeeās. Instead of license plates and joyful Americana, our wallsā¦
This Is How We Love: The Foto-Novel
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/this-is-how-we-love-the-foto-novel
Published: April 14, 2025 15:00
- - -My latest book is called This Is How We Love: The Foto-Novel. Itās the story behind the worst movie to have ever won the Academy Award. Have you not heard of this movie? Let me tell you about it. But where to begin? With the fabled ācurseā thatā¦
As Surgeon General, I Will Replace the Outdated, Inaccurate Body Mass Index with a Group of Catty, Mean-Spirited Middle Schoolers
Published: April 14, 2025 11:00
As a medical professional, Iāve dedicated my career to improving public health and promoting evidence-based practices. This is why I am here today to tell you that one of the most widely used tools for measuring obesityābody mass index (BMI)āis a failure.ā¦
How to Emerge from Hibernation
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/how-to-emerge-from-hibernation
Published: April 11, 2025 17:00
Women are just like bears. Each spring, we emerge from a winter-induced torpor state and begin the difficult process of relearning how to act like a (human) lady. Hereās a step-by-step guide for reentering polite society. 1. Move Slowly Itās importantā¦
Reviews of New Food: Coffee Mate White Lotus Thai Iced Coffee Creamer
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/coffee-mate-white-lotus-thai-iced-coffee-creamer
Published: April 11, 2025 13:01
I was half-listening to a true crime podcast when the ad came on. I perked up when I realized it was for White Lotus branded coffee creamer. It promised something like a luxurious Thai vacation vibe without leaving your house, and I wondered if the adā¦
Forget the Ten Plagues and Escaping, the Pharaoh and His Rich Friends Say Theyāre on Our Side
Published: April 11, 2025 12:00
Our tribe is facing an existential threat. Now is not the time for division. We must work together to protect our future. Thatās why, instead of invoking the ten plagues and escaping to the Promised Land, we need to support the Pharaoh, no matter howā¦
Playing Headline-Stealing Games with the Economy is a Great Way to Distract Everyone from Your Human Rights Atrocities
Published: April 10, 2025 23:32
āLong-threatened tariffs from U.S. President Donald Trump have plunged the country into trade wars abroad, all while on-again, off-again new levies continue to escalate uncertainty.ā ā PBS, 4/10/25 - - -Weāve all been there: You send a gang of plainclothesā¦
Itās Only the Fourth Reich If It Comes from the Reich Region of Germany, Otherwise Itās Just Sparkling Fascism
Published: April 10, 2025 17:00
Donāt be embarrassed, itās a common mistake. You look around and think, Yep, this is it. Paramilitary deportations, apocalyptic foreign policy, and private corporations looting the federal government. This has to be the Fourth Reich. Not so fast, myā¦
A Note About Our New Edition of Walt Whitmanās Leaves of Grass
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/a-note-about-our-new-edition-of-walt-whitmans-leaves-of-grass
Published: April 10, 2025 15:00
- - -Dear Readers, A few years ago, when my godson was graduating from high school, I went looking for a suitably impressive of Walt Whitmanās Leaves of Grass. I thought a well-made hardcover edition would make a great gift, given that Leaves of Grass isā¦
Our Plan WorkedāStocks are Skyrocketing Back to Less Than They Were Before
Published: April 10, 2025 12:00
āPresident Trump on Wednesday abruptly reversed course on steep global tariffs that have roiled markets, upset members of his own party and raised fears of a recession. Just hours after he put punishing levies into place on nearly 60 countries, theā¦